查看完整版本: 3月24日发放作文题1

3月24日发放作文题1

这是写作版第一次进行改革尝试，原因见最新通告贴：[url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-10654-1-1.html]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-10654-1-1.html[/url]
希望得到刚来的或已在这发了很多贴的小马支持！:)  有意见跟帖：[url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-2764-1-1.html]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-2764-1-1.html[/url]

    大家就在下面占楼提交作文就行了~                                                                  



                                                                    [size=5][b]第一期作文题是：[/b][/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5][b]   [size=3]Supporters of technology say that it solves problems and makes life better. [/size][/b][/size]
[b][size=3]   Opponents argue that technology creates new problems that may threaten or damage the quality of life.[/size][/b]
[b][size=3]   Using one or two examples discuss these two positions. Which view of technology do you support? Why?[/size][/b]

第一篇,干了一小时~~~唉...狂拍吧
It goes without saying that"It is the technology that makes the world go around."Thus,it is not exaggrated to say that people without modern technology are like flowers without sunshine .However a heated debate on the issue of  the impact on people's lives brings by technology .A series of problems have emerged in our eyes,a multitude of people are more and more worring about the bad  influence on our lives.Nevertheless,from my personal angle alone,the merits of the technology never fail to appeal to me although it has downside.

First and foremost,due to the technology that our communication are becoming more and more convient and effeient. It is undeniable that modern technology makes our world connection closely.The modern communication tools have changed people's daily lives enormously,such as mobile phone,the Internet,the television and the list will go on.Taking a typical example,the cell-phones are playing a significant role in modern society.You may save a person' life by phone the amibgouse in the first timewho is badly injured in a serious traffic accdient or make a phone meeting just at home instead of going to a far away work places.So far we can drow a conclusion that technology make our communication more easily

Besides,the communication is only part of the picture,the technology beautifies our lives as well.Nothing can compared with the newly developed recreation and entertainment that introduced by the technology.As e-game players,they will not unfamiliar with the X-Box or PSP,and these tools provide a paradise where young adlut can have a wonderful time to get relax and enjoy the facinating content of games.Thus the technology contributes a lot to our economic development and helpes to promote our living standard .


However,we should not ignore the unmerits of the technology and its negative effects on children.There is a servy done by scientists on the children who are invariable playing games at home.The result showed that nearly 80% of them suffered a bad eye-sights and irregulate living pace and almost 75% did not well in their grades. The modern technology makes our life easier,but at the same time makes our health even worse,for more and more people ingore the importance of phisical exercise .Most white-collar are driving to their wokplaces and do not have enough exercise which result in sickness and dieases.

Everything has two sides and we should realize both its impact on ourselves.So in conlusion ,I tend to maintain that modern technology exerts more positive effects than negative ones.But meanwhile it is high time that we took some measurement to deal with the bad influence on children and ourselves .

回复 2# 的帖子

首先标点问题: 标准的标点符号书写史禹老师上课讲过: 句子+标点+空格这样文章规范整齐,和提高印象分.例如文章最后一段可以改为Everything has two sides and we should realize both its impact on ourselves. So in conlusion, I tend to maintain that modern technology exerts more positive effects than negative ones. But meanwhile it is high time that we took some measurement to deal with the bad influence on children and ourselves.
其它小马也要注意标点, 会给我和个位批贴的人省点眼力.
第一段: 第一行单词错误应为exaggerate
第二段: 倒数第二行开头amibgouse是what?
              最后一段drow应为drew 2#要小心啊! 以后要仔细
第三段: topic sentence 有问题 首先个人感觉besides 和 as well 重复. 然后是beautify美化一次与作者的例子不是太搭配. 例子是说明technology gives us great fun. 美化不太准确其实第二句就可以作为主题句. 然后在把例子发展的更充分一些,比如PSP X-BOX(2楼一定有PSP吧!我刚买,有空给我推荐游戏啊)是如何provide a paradise where young adlut can have a wonderful time to get relax and enjoy the facinating content of games.可以据自己的例子总之在多说1,2句再detail一些比如 My grilfriend give me a Playstation Portable, PSP, as a gift. It brings me immense fun, such as when I was on a boring trip, I always play it to spend the time and it makee me happy.
第四段: 开头unmerit是作者自己创造的词吧merit虽是优势的意思可是unmerit确实是没有啊!我查牛津了,牛是没有. 后面servy  应该是survey对吗? 感觉作者用了很多自己也把握不好的词,还有前面天堂这个词paradise用在这里总决的不是太妥. TOEFL作文的词汇不是越难越好,我认为首先是力求准确比如2#想说缺点可以用disadvantage or defection感觉楼主肯定会这两个词, 为什么不用呢, 我们觉得太熟的词是简单的词,可是native speaker却不见得这么觉得啊 英语的最高境界不是一句话你有20种方式去表达而是你知道20中方式中哪种是最恰当的
总体来说2#写的还是很好的, 逻辑清晰,论证充分,例证恰当, 强调句,比喻等亮点也很好大家要学习啊

[[i] 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-3-26 15:16 编辑 [/i]]

The 1st para draws readers' attention very much,especially by using quotation and metapher like this:

"It goes without saying that"It is the technology that makes the world go around."Thus,it is not exaggrated to say that people without modern technology are like flowers without sunshine.":)

Some errors in Para1---I pick them out and let's see:
A series of problems have emerged in our eyes,a multitude of people are more and more worring about the bad  influence on our lives.

应改为：As series of .......否则这句话就有问题了，没有连词，两句话怎么放一起了，对吧，可能你是笔误吧。
另外，more and more worring about 可以用are becoming more concerned about.....这个高级词组吧:)

Ok, this is the topic sentense 1 supporting the thesis sentense:

First and foremost,due to the technology that our communication are becoming more and more convient and effeient.
但仔细看来这不是一句话应该去掉中间的that,
你想让that 引导什么从句？

efficient 的拼写 :)

The modern communication tools have changed people's daily lives enormously,such as mobile phone,the Internet,the television and the list will go on.Taking a typical example,the cell-phones are playing a significant role in modern society.

这两个表达用的好：:)
enormously
play a significant role in...

[quote]Besides,the communication is only part of the picture,the technology beautifies our lives as well.Nothing can compared with the newly developed recreation and entertainment that introduced by the technology.As e-game players,they will not unfamiliar with the X-Box or PSP,and these tools provide a paradise where young adlut can have a wonderful time to get relax and enjoy the facinating content of games.Thus the technology contributes a lot to our economic development and helpes to promote our living standard .
[/quote]

The topic sentense of para2 is not effect since "beautify" is a too broad word and your supporting details and examples are not closely developed from that sentense.
You can say--technology brings us a lot of fun and amusement. You may find life very boring without the excitement brought by technical products. :)

The conclusion is well done.

文章仔细看了，总的说来除了个别语法错误（不能单独成句啊）和单词拼写错误，整篇文章条理很清楚，（除了第二个分论点，但稍改一下就可以了），并且里面有些亮点的句子和表达。部分已经指出回归见上楼喔，我们从中也可以学到好东西
有些观点也同意小艾的也可参见他的意见

只要你用心按要求写发上来，我们一定会给你认真改~！:D

谢谢谢谢这么认真批改~~~我一定会仔细研究每一点建议的,以后每次我都会认真完成的直到4月27号~~~我当时写完后就直接发上来了没有再看,但是发上来我就后悔了,发现自己写的实在是差强人意,不过我会更努力的...现在还有比较头疼的就是在半小时内完成...现在实在是impossible...

[size=4][color=purple]小结一下：[/color][/size]
[quote]第一期的作文题：Supporters of technology say that it solves problems and makes life better.
Opponents argue that technology creates new problems that may threaten or damage the quality of life.
Using one or two examples discuss these two positions. Which view of technology do you support? Why?[/quote]


[size=4][color=red]第一篇很重要（如需要练还可以下面继续跟帖）。:) [/color][/size]
[size=4][color=red]练好第一篇，同理可以基本解决以下题目：[/color][/size]

【Topic(1)】Do you agree or disagree that Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

【Topic(2)】Do you agree or disagree that technology is necessary but not always a positive force in modern life.

【Topic(3)】Do you agree that over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been made people's lives more comfortable.

【Topic(4)】Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life.

第一篇，如果老师有时间，麻烦看看，万分感激

写的太痛苦了，估计看的人比我写的时候还痛苦~~~:L
Whether develpoment of technology bring us numorous problem or more convenience? Different pepople will have different ideas with his own background. As for me, I strongly agree that technology solves problems and makes our life better with the following reasons.
First and foremost, tecnology can let us get information more easily. In the past people who wanted to gain news needed to talk with each other, in the other words, they should go out if they wanted to obtain massages. So, in that time most person were lack of knowledge. Nowaday, as tecnology develops, in contrast, we can get information easily. Even we take messages what we want without walking out. For example, through watching TV, we can take acquaint with situation; if we have problems, we could ask for friends or find answers by ourselves via internet without getting out.
Besides, the tecnology short the distance among people in distinct areas. Take the development of transportation as an example. Before people who wanted to another city to travel should spent several months on the way. In that time, not only was travel a thing that wasted much time, but needed enough money to spend on the road. More person just associated with their neighbors. Now, as development of trasportation, it is convenient for us to travel. We could arrive aother province just for several hours and get acquainted with other person. People that come from different countries are associated with together. The world seems as a big family.
Last but not least, there are large of public place of entertainments for people in the technological society. Pressure is charastic of the comteporary society. After working the whole day, most person look forward for relaxing. More relax methods are supplied for person. For instance, film, watching TV, playing internet game or singing in KTV.
Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that the technology can make our life better.

yoyo: wether is a conj连词，所以第一句就不能那么写，因为它不是一个完整的句子。你可以这样改： Wether the development of technology bring us numorous problems or convenience remains a question. 第二段： For one thing, modern technology provides people with more access to latest infomation easily than it was. 这句话感觉有点off the topic: if we have problems, we could ask for friends or find answers by ourselves via internet without getting out. 第三段：首先shorten the distance. 这两句话逻辑不太清楚：Take the development of transportation as an example. Before people who wanted to another city to travel should spent several months on the way. In that time, not only was travel a thing that wasted much time, but needed enough money to spend on the road 你可以加上in ancient China the transpotation was a big trouble. For people who wanted travling to a distant city, they had to spent several days even a month on the horseback due to a lack of modern convenient vehicle
第四段：语法问题有几处： Last but not least, there are large of public place of entertainments for people in the technological society. Pressure is charastic of the comteporary society. After working the whole day, most person look forward for relaxing. More relax methods are supplied for person. For instance, film, watching TV, playing internet game or singing in KTV.
改为：:)
most persons
characteristics
watching films and TV series.

谢谢老师:)
辛苦啦~~！

请老师点评 谢谢

When asked about whether technology solves problem and makes life better or creates problems and damage the quality of life, opinions vary. Quite a few would claim that technology may brings some demerits to our of life. Contrary to these people's idea is my heartfelt objection that technology undermines our quality of life. Therefore, I am inclined to the view that technology give rises to some beneficial influences in people's life. The main reasons are listed as follows.
    To begin with, the modern technology is to our life what water is to fish. It is the new technology makes our life more vibrant and dynamic. People can have an instantaneous and universal access to information via resources on the Internet and other possible electronic media or devices. It can be best exemplified that a frightfully number of firms depend on the Internet to hold the video meetings from different sites of the country.Also, We can use mobile phone to communicate with my close friends in thousands miles away with low expense.
    What is more, the modern technology can also helps people to promote our living condition. Hybrid rice, which is developed by a Chinese agriculture scientist and educator Yuan Longping, providing a robust food source in high famine risk areas, especially in China. Also, metros in the megapolis are much more convinent than the buses because of the traffic jams on the ground. Hardly can I imaging that people go to the top of the skyscrapers only on foot without the help of the smart and swift elevators. People should thanks to the magic power that technology brings to us.
    Admittedly, every coin has its two sides. The modern technology,to some extent,devastates the natural enviroment. Such as the dessertification,which due to the abuse of the log resources by the enormous machines. And the globe warming,which on account of the large amount of carbon dioxide exhausted from the pipelines of the cars and other transportations and the chimneies of the factories and families.
    However, though the technology results in some disadvantages to people's life, when compared with the positive influences it brings about,it is pale. Therefore, I may safely come to the conclusion that the technology makes our everyday's life more favorable than the counterpart in the past. So the technology must accepted and appreciated.

[[i] 本帖最后由 wangfeng1111 于 2008-4-2 10:33 编辑 [/i]]

处女作，望狂趴！
People seldom agree with each other. Some people contend that technology provide us endless benefited, but others stand on the opposite ground believe that some threat and damage is accompanied by technology. From my standpoint, hardly can I image that a world devoid of the rapidly developing technology, without access to computer, lift, aircraft, would we still enjoy diversity and fascination.
First and foremost, technologies supply an opportunity to people to attach the latest news and any necessary information in our modern world. It can be aptly exemplified and illustrated by the following case. Newspapers, as The New York Times, most international news resource which just published in certain areas, then the major people in the world would not know the events and the reasonable and justified comments. Through scan the webs by computer, the above abstracts is solved.
Equally important issues are that communication is becoming growing convenient. The people who are separate in two places can cooperate with each other and solve a lot of problems efficiently. Furthermore, some people who are always feel uncomfortable about talking to others through some tools of communication in internet so that it is a preparation for they to go on to communicate with others in society or to achieve a common goal. Finally, have friends from around the world of mutual interest can provide us with a companion to share our opinions.
Admittedly, technology, to some extent, may exert a relatively disadvantage effect on our environment. For instance, chemical pollution, electrical waste and so on. However, the inevitable merits substantially overshadow the negative consequences and therefore enhance the quality of life.

大家 帮帮 改改 感激 不尽...

[size=2]There are always an essential discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of technology, whether we should develop it desperately or not. The answer of the question is not simple, we should consider the equilibrium of necessity of the human's desire and the environment cost. Not only above, we still challenged by the human ethic and the unreachable human wants. My opionion is that the technology makes our life better with consideration of its contradiction.

Nowadays, our daily life changed a lot as the technology improved tremendously. The changes are not only from our vehicle, our food, and clothes, but also more from the fundamental of our life. It is hard for the people in ancient to imagine that you can record your image on your computer, record your voice, even your motion! When you flying across the Pacific Ocean, sit in the airplane with a sip of champagne appreciating the view out window, you will never know how hard for the people in the past to travel even half of distance that you pass by in pleasure. One more thing I have to mention is the internet, which changed human’s life. Internet made the word closer and easier. People can work on the airplane or lay down in bed. Internet can offer people the efficient work pace, and you will never have problem in switching the work to entertainment. In a word, most privileges that the best life can offer are all provided by the technology.

In contradiction, some proponents argued with the disadvantage of the technology. Such as the environment cost, the threaten of atom booms, the challenge to humans ethic by clone and gene technology, est. While, we need to make sure that technologies are still working for solve the problem that it may cause. For example, Scientists are working on solving the environment problem with finding new energy to decrease the coal burning, further more to contribute to stop the greenhouse effect. So ,in conclusion, it is always beyond me why people will totally reject something only because the couple disadvantages and neglect whole lot privileges![/size][size=5] [/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 heqiongsophie 于 2008-4-5 01:40 编辑 [/i]]

老师 帮忙 改下 好么？

有时间的话  老师 帮忙 改下 好么？  我快考了.....感激不尽

好的，不是什么老师呵呵，我会这几天找时间认真看改一下。:)

又超时了 狂拍吧

It is not rare to see that TV and computers have flooded into our daily lives. Some people insist on that development of technology has provoked a series of problems, say various pollutions. The idea is strongly opposed by people who hold the idea that it is technology that makes life better, considering it allows for convenient communication and provides avenue to obtain knowledge in varieties of areas. From my perspective, I totally agree with the latter idea.

No issue is more crucial than the one that advancement of technology enables us to enjoy a convenient communication between friends, relatives, cooperators, etc. To give as a demonstration, Computers, invented in the 20th century, has revolutionized the way people communicate from two separate continents. The advent of E-mail, which supported by Internet technology, can be transported through an optic fiber in a few seconds. Therefore, telephone, another significant invention for communication, has never been a must for people to exchange ideas and e-mail provides a perfect option.

Convenience of obtaining knowledge is another chief and head reason I choose to put here. Among a multitude of inventions in the duration of technology development, TV, tends to be a prevalent way to have a fully comprehension of different aspects of the world. My favorite TV program is National Geography, one contains enormous types of knowledge from physics, archaeology to philosophy and psychology. People can easily be immersed into the magic power of technology, say, how skyscrapers with several hundreds of floors in New York were erected and support themselves with the help of cements and concretes. Thus, TV programs are often considered as an efficient way to have a better understanding of the world.

Though the advantages of technology has greatly benefit human ourselves, it has its own demerit. Say, radiation, emitted by radios, TV, computers has been proved to be hazardous to people’s health. And the ecosystem, to some degree, has also been damaged due to industrialization, basically resulted from the development of technology. Those examples have perfect proved the old saying we should never forget: Each coin has two sides.

Though the disadvantages of technology leads to are considerable, it cannot compete with the benefits it enjoys, when the two main reasons mentioned above are taken into consideration. People may be still unconvinced, but reasons I have analyzed could at least make them more aware of the various dimensions of the issue under discussion. In fact, not only do I prefer to develop technology, but also prefer to take measures to protect from damages to humans at the same time.