查看完整版本: 4月10日发放作文题4

4月10日发放作文题4

首先我很高兴，前三次的作文大家都很用心的去写去改，还互相探讨，
        特别感谢[color=royalblue]TOEFL759_198 (我们的小王子)[/color] 的热心和认真的批改。我们课代表的[color=royalblue]小艾。他[/color]虽然平时繁忙，但工作很尽职尽责。

[size=4][color=magenta]谢谢大家！！[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=magenta][/color][/size]
这周作文练习类型：支持反对型

[size=5]Topic[/size]: [size=4]Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?[/size]
[size=4]           [/size]
[size=4]Parents or other adult relatives should make important   decisions for their  [/size][size=4]older (say 15-18 year-old) teenage children. [/size]
[size=4]Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.[/size]
[size=4][/size]

应该是第一个吧~用时比较久,40分钟,检查了拼写,语法........先练结构了.

[font=Calibri]Would a 30-year-old man still ask someone else to help him with the laundry since he never did it on him own or a woman with a baby need somebody to do her a favor about her baby’s diapers because she could not do it by herself? That is a ridiculous yet existing phenomenon that appears a lot back in 90s in the 20th century. Currently, however, parents are willing to have their teenage children’s make a large amount of their own decisions, which is a good sign. In addition, teenage boys and girls also need to make their important decisions by themselves

Most fundamentally, the ability to be independent is crucially for the people especially the young ones who live in the modern big cities. Teenage children are always intimidated by the critical decisions that may cause their huge failures, as well as are their parents. Becoming an adult, eventually, they are going to face these decisions that they may be afraid of. One of my friends, Jenny, who has to ask her parents about her tricky issues for their advice every time since she cannot decide what choice she should make, such as whether she should rent a car, which job is she supposed to take, or even who she should be dating to. I was wondering how her life would be when she passes 50.

Adventure, moreover, is one of the elements for the reasons that are developing the world. People should make decisions thoughtlessly when they have to which is the trigger of innovation. No one could deny the fact that every great invention or discovery involves numerous risks and finally becomes the thing that is memorized in everyone’s mind. Each person who is living in the current of economic development is supposed to have such spirit which would be limited if parents make decisions for him/her. Jason, my big brother, never had the work done excellently by the reason that he scared to make his mind up on any work project, and consequently made all his works follow by the others. The work that is lack of characteristic which is one of the significances that are indispensable in this century, would not be a nice one

Originally, parents make their children’s decision is for their own good. Making important decisions, additionally, as a conclusion, is still necessary for every teenage boys and girls for the reason that they are going to face the reality ultimately no matter how their parents are trying to protect them.


[/font]
[font=Calibri]根据5楼的朋友的建议修改了一下，不知效果如何
[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:29 编辑 [/i]]

不怎么好写呵
近50 分钟:L

At my salad days, the judgement is green, we should face with a amount of things in life, we should deal with all kinds of issues in our study, and we also feel headache about our emotions. But, this is an essential ability in our life, so I cling to that parents and other adult relatives should let them make the decision by themselves.

First and foremost, we own the decision, we know exactly what is the thing that we need and what is the dream we are chase for. Also, teenage children, 15-18, are old enough to make the important decision and responsible for them. Just take myself as an example, when I was 18, it is time to choose a major for college. It is really extremely difficult to make the decision. I had taken all my parents' expectancy, the dream of my childhood, the suggestions from my relatives and friends into consideration. But finally, I choice Civil Engineer, because I know which area is my interesting area, and what is my favorite job in the future. Hardly can I imagine that if the parents made the decision instead of me!

Further more, it is also an essential ability that people who can make the decision by themselves. We will not living with parents, relatives forever, we are going to become an adult a few years later, and then to determine all kinds of things during the life, to handle complicated issues at work. How can we successful do that if we always depend on the help from parents? Concluded many articles in newspaper about college students are feel confused, doubtful, and helpless after they graduate from school. In my opinion, the parents’ decisions, exceeding care leads to that.

Admittedly, it is also have some disadvantages for that, teenagers are have not got enough experience to make the perfect decision, they may ignored the essence of the fact, they may  fascinated with detrimental things, and even they may fell frustrated, disappointed, and regreted with the wrong decision.

However, they can learn from it each time, especially the failures can teach them a lesson. The merits of teenage children make the decision overshadow the disadvantages, so, I cling to unshakeable view that teenage should make the choice by them and let the teenage make the choice from now on!


                                                                                                                                                                        378

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-11 12:21 编辑 [/i]]

写了一个小时。。。感觉一般。。。大家多指教！谢谢！本人作文一直一般。。现在不闭门造车了，出来透透气，多练练，希望能好一点。
Let’s parents or adult relatives make important decisions might a safe way for older teenager. But as everybody should lead his/her own life and nobody can be taken place, 15 to 18 year-old teenager should set out to learn to make important decision by him/herself. So I am fully convinced that it is a high time that older children decided for themselves.

First and foremost, parents’ wishes are not children’. Taking majors’ selection in university as an example. Both western and eastern parents take it for granted that lawyer or doctor is the first choice in the future job. So when their children set out to choose majors, they write down law or medical without even one second’s thinking. According to a survey, only 15% of law or medical school students learn these major by their own wishes. Architecture, music, photograph, botany, and so on are the other 85% people’ really interests. In this way, the 85% students lost their most important opportunity to lead the next years’ college life or even change their future living.

While some people might enjoy their parents’ decision, but they would started to feel confused when parents do not help them any more. Think about there was a time when a child felt obliged to follow parents’ words in what colors of cloth he/she should wear, what kind of musician he/she should study or even which style of girl/guy he/ she should have fun with. How could he/she choose an ice-cream without his/her parents? Teenagers at the age of 15 to 18 have had an almost developed thinking about the world and lives, known what is their favorite and have the ability to decide for themselves. And it is their time to do so.

In conclusion, I never remain suspicious to the point that parents might help me to plan for hundred times but never could they help me to make a life. So I would take every opportunity to be responsible for myself.

回复2 #的帖子

拍拍2楼的仁兄哈 一起学习呵
开头几个排比好象和make decision
不怎么相关呵
第三段冒险那个觉得很新颖
但后面那个例子还可以扩展些
Originally, therefore, parents make their children’s decision is for their own good, making important decisions, as a conclusion,
觉得结构有点不妥   As they always say, truth is cruel  结尾有点突然

谢谢楼上的朋友，你说的这几个问题我在写的时候也注意到了，只是一时不知该如何修改
最后一段改了一下，最后一句删掉了。。。。。

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:30 编辑 [/i]]

5月就要考了,第一次练作文,一点感觉都没有,大家使劲拍！

Nowadays, there is a general controversy as to whether parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children. People may prefer one to another although some may have no opinions about it at all. Those who advocate that adult should make important decisions for their older teenage children argue that children have not enough experience to make important decisions by themselves; but people who object to this point, on the other hand, argue that children will never have experience to make important decision if adult always make those for them. As far as I am concerned, I support the latter.

It is quite easy for average people to hold the opinion that adult should make important decision for their children, because the important decision will affect their future life, and any little mistake may lead to some lethal failure. Currently, there are more and more children prisoners, and most of them have made some important decisions that are wrong by themselves.

But at the mean time, it is just few children who have made big mistake that cannot be made up. For most children, to make important decision by themselves will make them more independently. It can be given by a well known example that Abraham Lincoln has made important decisions by himself because of his special family since he is very little. Just in this way for everything he made a deep consideration. Due to these experiences, he became a successful president.

What is more, the children can understand how to make important decision well more deeply if they have some experiences. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive: Chairman Mao left his home when he was a child. After that he made all important decisions by himself, through his own experience, he know more about how to make a good decision for the important thing, therefore he became an excellent leader and made a lot of important decision for Chinese.

Finally, as a proverb says, "Everything has two sides". Although I admit that adult should let children make important decisions by themselves, I still think that adult should give children some advice when it is really necessary, because it is impossible for children to make everything well by themselves.

If all the factors above are considered, I think the advantages to let children make important decision by themselves overweight those that adult make it for them.

改一下3楼的朋友
首先建议你以后在Word当中写,或者写好之后贴到Word中检查一下拼写,比如第一段的judgement还有所有的feel都拼写错了
看得出这位朋友应该练得不是很久，应该还在以结构为主，所以表达方式上就不多说了，虽然口语化的表达过多，但是相信练得久了自然会熟练起来
结构上还是有些问题，第3段中的最后一句话在讲分论点的时候最好在文章最后再出现，更加强语气，因为这句话所包含的意义并不止在分论点的范围内，而更适用于整篇文章的强调
第1段的论点及例子说服力感觉都不够，你只说了这些决定是我们所想要的，但并没有说这样做的好处，而且例子中以自己为例子也感觉不妥，除非你写已经因为这个决定而获得成功否则说服力都不够
表达上还应该多样化一些

水平有限，只能说这些了~如有不对的地方,dont get me wrong~

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:29 编辑 [/i]]

考前再练一篇

Here in our society goes a heated debate on the issue of whether it is an ideal way for parents make important decision for their children which has aroused a wide public concern . A multitude of people are forever living under the illusion that parents should somehow invariable lead  right way for youth . However , from my personal angle alone , I am fully convinced that sometimes the adolescent have to decide choice on their own.

First and foremost , the teenagers have already old enough to make their decision without the need of parents . It is undeniable that people at the age of 15~18 have their own plans and goals in mind , they are able to identify their role in study career and schedule of learning further education . For example , young adults about 18 or 19 years old feel obliged to choose their future ,whether to continue their acadamic careers in colleges or come into society to get their first job which is the first step towards the future life , the students should have a better understanding than their parents to familiar with their ability so they are capable of making such significant study choice , first life decision . We can safely reach a conclusion that the teenagers should make their choice on their own.

The above is only part of the picture , besides making important decision in life can help adolescents improve their ability to have better understanding of life .        Due to the problems of the children always follow their parents dirction , an increasing number of young adults are suffering a defect of lacking of capability to make their own choice , in an other words , insufficient creativity and independence will result in students somehow depend their parents in future life and lose the ability to live on their own . According to a recent survey which aimed at a number of 150 students who have experienced the challenge of choosing future career . the report revealed that almost 87% of them are followed their elders instruction and had no ideas about themselves . What can we learn from this serious but prevailed phenomenon , is that nothing paramount can be compared with the opinion that students should make their own choice for growing up .

Certainly we should not neglect that the merits that the elders sometimes suggest their children with information and previous experience to let them have fully aspects of the choice , which also can be beneficial for them to choose the right way . Nevertheless , under no circumstance should we ignore the importance that the teenagers with their heads to think about their lives , but it is not the parents responsibility . So it is high time that we took some efficient measurement to deal with the recent phenomenon and let our next generation more capability and independence .

第一次写作文，请各位多提意见，感激不尽……

[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Older children always think that they are mature enough to decide for themselves, they believe they know the things, know the society, also know the world .however, I consider that the parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for them . Here are the reasons:[/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]First of all, we all know that the parents are the guardians of their child, what makes the parents have the right and the obligation to protect their child and also make decisions for their child by law. Secondly, the parents are the people who love the child most. They will try their best to make their child happy. They would make the best decisions for their child on the basis of their experiences. [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]The third reason which is also the most important one is that: the child between 15 and 18 do not have enough social experience, they may not tell whether something is right or wrong. So it is necessary for the parents or other adult relatives to make important decisions for the children. [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Nevertheless, parents making decisions may excite the children’s resistant emotion. Since the children are in the adolescence. They always want to be themselves, to decide for themselves and to show their ability. My younger sister is on her 16’s, she would like to study when her parents are not in, but to watch television when her parents ask her to study just to show her own view. It is understandable, since we all come from that age, I can remember when I was a teenager, though I had the same point with my mom, I would just do the opposite.[/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Therefore, I suggest that parents should take the right methods when they make decisions for their children. Parents may ask the children’s opinion first, listen to the children’s decision on their own. If the children just have the same thought, they could let the children decide; if the children have a different idea, parents could instruct the children to change their mind or just let them go if it does not matter a lot. In this way, the children will feel they are the decision-maker or at least they are in this decision making process, which will increase their confidence as well as decrease their resistant emotion.[/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/b]
[b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In conclusion, parents should make the important decisions for their older children, but they should take high notice to the method they use, which may influence both the decision-making result and the relationship between the parents and children.
[/font][/size][/b]

回复8#的帖子

谢谢建议呵~~
我用了WORD的 只是那个词没检出来
汗``````  改过来了
结构方面的建议很有道理~~~
我再改改!
那些口语表达可以帮我指正下吗?

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-11 12:22 编辑 [/i]]

写了一个小时，而且基本可以说是没法看，后来又一小时把原来的改得面目全非，=2hours！郁闷死我了，很想问问2楼的练了多久能40分钟写那么多？还是只是一直基础就好？还有，老师们，我还有2个月考试，还来的及吗？备受打击中。。。:Q
Obviously, there always are problems if someone try to make important decisions. But everyone should learn to make decision, especially, in the modern society. It’s not to saying that parents or older relatives can help us sometimes rather than a life.

As an old saying that a person who can adapt the surrounding can survive which also can suit to modern society. The society needs a person who has himself ideas rather than doctrine. Parents who always decide all things fail to try to listen their children’s minds, gradually, which get rise to a new phenomenon of habitual reliance. In other word, when teenager suffer from problems that need to decide, even a little thing, these can make them fell afraid, hesitate, and even have no ideas but dependent on their parents or relatives and expect their help. Consequently, teenagers lost their abilities of thinking and deciding independence which not only give a bad influence on their study now, but on their work in future. My brother who worked for eight years still a common worker due to the lack of capacities of innovating and deciding by himself.

The above is a part of the picture, besides it can culture responsibilities of children that  teenagers decide  independently. According a recent survey that nowadays almost 80% children lack responsibilities, even 60% children fail to know what responsibility is. The survey indicates most children deem that there have no things that need them to be in charge of. Further more, it can hypothesis that there will be a day that teenager who become an adult either consider to support their parents as the same thing that have no associate with them. Therefore, it is a crucial that to make children are aware of responsibilities for their parents and society.

In modern society, most parents and older adult relatives are still under the illusion that they forever make decisions for their older teenage children not only can promote their children’s life, but protect them. If they can do without the dubious merits of improvement of their children’s life, they will swiftly find that to make important decisions in their children’s life play a prominent and beneficial role which not only can excise their children’s thinking method, but, more important, improve their responsible consciousness. Parents may, nevertheless, offer some advice that can improve the development of the thing for their children.

In a word, it has no deny saying that parents and older adult relatives are supposed to provide opportunities for their children to make important decisions.

[[i] 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-11 23:41 编辑 [/i]]

回楼上的朋友,我是去年12月的时候考过一次了.........
不过当时把主要精力都放在听力上了,写作大概只练了8-9篇的样子
因为5月又要考,最近又练了4篇左右
虽然写的多但是水平不行啊................只是打字快一些而已



再回11楼的朋友,口语化的表达方面其实平时多看看一些优秀的习作然后再尝试在自己的作文中运用一下,几篇之后相信就会有显著的进步的,虽然我水平也不高,但是相信大多数人会同意我的观点

比如第2段的Just take myself as an example, when I was 18, it is time to choose a major for college.
改成When I was 18,for instance,I have to choose a major for my college.更简洁明了一些，而且更书面化。当然我只是举个例子，相信大家会有更好的表达方式。。。
第2段的because I know which area is my interesting area，改成because I know which areas I am interested in更书面一些

其实这位朋友最主要的问题还是表达方式太chinglish,很多句子老外看了会摸不着头脑
比如第一段and we also feel headache about our emotions，相信你是先想了中文句子再翻译的吧，我不是很清楚你本来的意思，只是猜测改成various problems make us sick更能表达你的意思
还有最后一句，英语一句话一般是不能同时出现Because和so的。。。。
第2段的 what is the dream we are chase for，改成what we are dreaming for更简洁明了

还有一些语法错误：
what is the dream we are chase for.
We will not living with parents
teenagers are have not got enough experience to make the perfect decision

总而言之，建议这位朋友多看看优秀的文章，还有多去国外的网站看看新闻评论之类的，会对你的表达和语法有帮助

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:30 编辑 [/i]]

改一下2#朋友的习作啊

开头比较新颖，很好的吸引了读者
第二段
[font=Calibri]Most fundamentally, the ability to be independent is [color=red]crucial[/color] for the people especially the young [color=red](ones )[/color]who live in the modern big cities. [/font]
[font=Calibri]我觉得the young 就行了， ones没必要，    modern big cities 可以改成 metropolis [/font]
[font=Calibri]Teenage children are always intimidated by the critical decisions that may cause their huge failures, as well as are their parents.[/font]
[font=Calibri]这句话后面的 as well as are their parents  看不懂是什么意思，感觉有问题（可能是我水平比较次）[/font]
[font=Calibri]另外我觉得最后那个例子可以写一些Jenny现在因为过分依赖父母而遇到的困难，个人感觉这样会比把对比放在几十年后来得具体一些[/font]
[font=Calibri]第三段[/font]
[font=Calibri]big brother 可以改成 elder brother[/font]
[font=Calibri][/font]
[font=Calibri]个人拙见:loveliness: [/font]

[font=Calibri][/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-11 22:43 编辑 [/i]]

[font=Times New Roman]水平比较次，麻烦大家了……:) [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]As to whether parents should make decisions for their older children, my opinion is that people should not make decisions for their children. This I support with the following reasons.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]First and foremost, only children themselves exactly know what is they really interested in. Take finding a right major or a right job for instance. When I graduated from high school, I made my own decision about what I want to learn and even which profession I plan to engage in. And at the following four years I was really interested in my field, and spent a great deal of time on it. Now I find an enjoyable job. I become successfully in my education and work partly because my parents never made decision for me. Hardly can I imagine that my parents make decision for me. If they forced me to select a major what I have no interest, I would lead a miserable life in my university and can not find a suitable job. Since I would ceaselessly ask myself why I can not determine my future, why I can not do what I enjoy doing and why I can not. These can then cause me to become less inclined to study and work hard.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]In addition, parents can not make decisions for their children forever. In the young, there is a justification to learn how to make a decision alone. Making decisions by themselves could help older children become independent. Some people might say that teenage children often lack of the experience and knowledge to make sound decision, but if children never try to make a decision by themselves, how could they obtain any experience and knowledge. Of course, ones will make mistake along the way. These mistakes are an important learning tool, which will help them become adults.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, parents tend to want to give their children a paradise, if they had any, to lead a life easy and comfortable. And also sometimes parents could help children make a better decision for their social experience. However, making all important decisions for children may make their children weak and diffident. Giving children an opportunity to make vital decisions by themselves will better prepare them to stand on their own feet when they grow up.[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-11 22:26 编辑 [/i]]

改一下3#朋友的习作

开头前面用的都是第一人称，最后一句突然来个them感觉比较突兀，而且them前面也没出现指代对象

First and foremost, we own the decision, we know exactly what is the thing that we need and what is the dream we are chase for.
own 和know两个动词不能用逗号连接    are chase  be动词加动词原型

We will not living with parents, relatives forever, we are going to become an adult a few years later, and then to determine all kinds of things during the life, to handle complicated issues at work.
will 应该加原型live而不是living  我觉得把前半部分拆成一句独立的话会好一些  We will not live with our parents and relatives forever.

个人拙见，希望大家一起学习:loveliness:

第一次写，大家狠拍啊

第一次写，大家狠拍啊

Nowadays , there are more and more debates on whether parents should make important decision for 15-18 years old teenage .some people think parents should do it and they regard that children can not make a really right decision for their own life so the only result is they will fail .But other people argue that if we don't give any opportunity for children to make decision ,they will not be mature .we should let them make their decision and face the problem .Although maybe they will fail ,they also can learn more from it .For me ,I consider I will support the later one.

Firstly ,I think parents should give more support and opportunity for children in order to let them be mature .The statement children may fail if they make decision by themselves is very ridiculous .Because there is no body who can do anything successfully at the first time he does it . Every person should be given truth to try the thing they never do ,and as long as they just try to do it ,they can know how to do it .The most important thing is not the decision made by children is right or wrong but  what they learn from it . Through the lesson ,children will be more and more mature and they finally can make their right decision.

Moreover ,I think children should le how to live without parents' help .In fact ,parents can not help us in our whole life. One day ,if our parents die, who can give you any advice ? You should do all the things by yourself .Children can learn how to live independent through the process they make decision by themselves .The more chances their  parents offer ,the more they will learn from it.

The last ,but not the least ,is sometimes only the children themselves know their really situation and has idea to deal with it. Not all things parents can know well ,and sometimes problems like which university I should choose or which job I should take is not clear for parents .The personal real situation is just the person can know very well .At this time ,parents just can give some advice and if they make decision instead of their child, maybe they will make their children into a embarrassed  situation.

In a word ,I think teenage should make decision for their own ,and parents should never try to enforce children to take their advice and follow their decision. Every child should need and be given the opportunity ,and no one can deprive it .

[[i] 本帖最后由 derkaiser 于 2008-4-12 09:15 编辑 [/i]]

恩开展的很好，前三天主要大家楼上楼下互拍！ :)

在看前面几楼的作文，说下自己的看法（我还很菜，说的不对，大家见谅）

2#：
开头的例子似乎不是很好，如果换成15-18青少年的一些现象感觉会更贴合TOPIC
后面部分感觉都不错，第二个support点写的很不错角度挺好

3#
1、 this is an essential ability in our life，这里this 是指代自我做决定的能力还是指前文的我们有很多事要面对？感觉不是很清楚
2、we own the decision, we know exactly what is the thing that we need and what is the dream we are chase for
这里似乎缺连词了，不过偶们应该都看懂意思了。
3、 Concluded many articles in newspaper about college students are feel confused, doubtful, and helpless after they graduate from school.这里用concluded，不明白为什么能这样写，感觉直接写There are many aritcles in newspaper saying that .......可能好些。不清除了，错了的话见谅。
4、In my opinion, the parents’ decisions, exceeding care leads to that.
这观点写的不错，学习了

4#
1、第二段例子挺充实的，支撑的挺好。
2、While some people might enjoy their parents’ decision, but they would started to feel confused when parents do not help them any more.这里感觉不需要but吧，连词用重了

5#
楼主的作文样式跟我挺像的呵呵，感觉例子用的都很不错。不过论证的似乎力度还不够，能再加强写或许能更好

先歇会。。。。

回14楼的朋友,你说的几点都很有道理,as well as are their parents这一整句的意思是，青少年们害怕做那些会导致大挫折的决定，同时也是他们父母所担心的，和you are cute,as well as am I.的句式一样，只是我不确定我的表达是否正确


回19楼的朋友，第一段确定我也觉得欠考虑，只是当时想以一个现象提问来过渡到我的观点，结果不理想。。。。。。还是谢谢你指出来

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:31 编辑 [/i]]