查看完整版本: 4月24日发放作文题6

4月24日发放作文题6

4月份最后一篇作文题：
注意这次作文批改规则如下：周四、五、六、日为会员互改。一、二、三版主和学生会会参与进来批改。[size=6][color=#ff0000]请各位小马注意了[/color][/size]：

你们应该看过了是否支持作文互评的讨论贴：当你们每次发作文上来，应当首先
[color=magenta]have an awareness[/color]----应该先去积极主动的给别人批改作文，不会改没有关系，哪怕指出对方一个词用的不妥，一个句子你没读懂，或者三两句读后点评都可以，关键是你参与了互改的过程，而不是只发上来自己的作文，永远等着别人给你改。

有的会员抱怨他的作文没人改，对于这些我们没能批改的作文贴我们表示道歉，但同时首先我想问的是---你是否按照互改规则先给别人改了呢？看了前几次发放的作文贴谁遵守我们的互改作文规则，谁很积极帮助别人改作文，大家都可以看到。所以我们的工作是一项[color=magenta]team work[/color]，这不仅在我们托福的作文版中，在你现在或未来的生活中你都要经历的。Right and responsibility go hand in hand. 你享有别人给改你作文的权利同时也当履行你给别人改作文的义务。我们不仅需要你积极的提交作文，而且更需要你们遵守规则积极主动的也帮别人看作文改作文。
所以这次批改制度如下：下层楼改上楼的作文，如3楼改2楼的，4楼改3楼的，依次类推。我们版主不可能每篇都改到，但是我们也尽力去看，周一二三我们参与改。


[size=4][size=5]Topic:[/size] Some people are always in a hurry to go to places and get things done. Other people perfer to take their time and live life at a slower pace. Which do you perfer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer[/size].

[[i] 本帖最后由 heqiongsophie 于 2008-4-24 23:27 编辑 [/i]]

有点难度,不过似乎比上一篇好写点,半小时完成,检查拼写,语法.342

[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt]As we all see,currently people tend to be faster to do everything as possible by the reason that most of them believe being fast would bring high efficiency,while on the other hand,some people like to slow things down in order to make them do better.Being a calm person,I would rather take my time and live life at a slower pace because of the flaws come from the rushing.

No one could deny the fact,foremost,rushing would go with considerlessness,which is one thing that is unacceptable in the modern world and could bring terrible result,not efficiency.Jim,a guy in my workgroup,always try to make things go quicker in spite of the reason that he wants to get our jobs done as fast as he can,which is nice.Then it turns out that he constantly makes mistakes which got us into trouble almost every time.I could not forget the time that he missed a little process in our object and we got cut off from the financial support.I believe no one would think he is a good worker even though he do get things done quickly. Ironically,most of the "done" is sort of weak.

Additionally,we would miss lots of amazing things when saying "Hurry up".Some people said that the people who live slowly is smart,which is a point that many people could not understand.Imaging,for instance,when you are quickly trying to catch a butterfly but you missed a bunch of rare and beautiful flowers even though you caught the butterfly eventually.Would that be a successful result?Trying to slow down and sit to watch the beautiful flowers,maybe you will get a prettier butterfly later.By that,you did not miss anything and you grabbed something even better.

Rushing hour made us want to do things by a higher pace,developing economy made us try to be more efficient,but we still need to stop once in a while even slow our total pace, try stuff with finer thoughts and count the things we may have missed.Life goes on more wonderfully by more considernesses,which would be turned down by most of the "hurry up".[/size][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt][/size][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt]尝试了一些新的写法,学术感不是很强,不知效果如何[/size][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt][/size][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt][/size][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt]根据10楼和11楼2位朋友的建议,改正了一下,Adapted text:[/size][/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3][size=10.5pt]As we all see,currently people tend to be faster to do everything as possible by the reason that most of them believe being fast would bring high efficiency,while on the other hand,some people like to slow things down in order to make them do better.Being a calm person,I would rather take my time and live life at a slower pace because of the flaws come from the rushing.

No one could deny the fact,foremost,rushing would go with carelessness,which is one thing that is unacceptable in the modern world and could bring terrible results,not efficiency.Jim,a guy in my workgroup,always tries to make things go quicker in spite of the reason that he wants to get our jobs done as fast as he can,which is nice.Then it turns out that he constantly makes mistakes which got us into trouble almost every time.I could not forget the time that he missed a little process in our object and we got cut off from the financial support.I believe no one would think he is a good worker even though he does get things done quickly. Ironically,most of the "done" is sort of weak.

Additionally,we would miss lots of amazing things when we are saying "Hurry up".Some people said that the people who live slowly are smart,which is a point that many people could not understand.Imaging,for instance,when you were quickly trying to catch a butterfly but you missed a bunch of rare and beautiful flowers even though you caught the butterfly eventually.Would that be a successful result?Trying to slow down and sit to watch the beautiful flowers,maybe you will get a prettier butterfly later.By that,you did not miss anything and you grabbed something even better.

Rushing hour made us want to do things by a higher pace,developing economy made us try to be more efficient,but we still need to stop once in a while even slow our total pace, try stuff with finer thoughts and count the things we may have missed.Life goes on more wonderfully by more consideration,which would be turned down by most of the "hurry up".

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[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-26 10:24 编辑 [/i]]

[color=seagreen][color=seagreen][font=Arial][color=#000000]首先感谢小小蝎和愿望同学的建议~[/color][/font][/color][/color]
[color=seagreen][color=seagreen][font=Arial][color=#000000]做根据建议做了以下修改，尤其是第三段，感觉应该在题上了吧。嘿嘿，再接再厉！[/color][/font][/color][/color]
[color=seagreen][color=seagreen][font=Arial][color=#000000][/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=red]红色为改动过的部分 [/color][/font][font=Arial][color=royalblue]蓝色为不确定的表达[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#0000ff][/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000]Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying,"  We may miss terrific sceneries if we walk too fast." Nowadays, here goes a heated debating. Some people prefer to get things [/color][color=red]done[/color][color=#000000] quickly, while others think that we should live life at a slower pace. As far as I'm concerned, we should slow down [/color][color=red]for the purpose not only to gain a more healthy body, but also enjoy every minute of the seemingly limit life.[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000][/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000]For starters, in order to be healthier, we should slow down the pace. The recent statistics published by the China Daily shows that on average 75% of the employees in three big cities--Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou--are undergoing a depression due to the stress comes from their work. As we all know, depression is kind of mental diseases, which also contributes to the poorer condition of physical status. People with depression may get sleeplessness, become less appetite,[/color][color=red] or even seriously do harm to the normal function of the heart[/color][color=#000000]. Been frightened by this report, I can't take my health as risk. Rather than work night and day, I prefer to be more relaxed so that I won't [/color][color=red]suffer from[/color][color=#000000] depression.[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000][/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000]Besides, taking a slower pace can provide us[/color][color=red] the quite mood to enjoy the natural [/color][color=#000000]life. Last week, our community organized a barbecue, which I enjoyed very much on the beach in the suburb. The environment there was brilliant, no cars, no pollution, all we had was the [/color][color=red]rhythmic[/color][color=#000000] breeze from the surface of the sea. At first we played volleyball on the beach, then we [color=royalblue]digged holes to find little crabs[/color], in the end we held a big dinner to celebrate the coming of spring. We really had a good time and completely escaped from [color=royalblue]the heave-load work[/color]. What a pity [/color][color=red]for[/color][color=#000000] the people who [/color][color=red]rush from here to there, since they can’t experience the rhythm of our mother nature[/color][color=#000000]. How much fun would they miss? Therefore, to experience the beauty of nature, I would choose a slower pace of life.[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000][/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000]Although many people argue that we should speed up so that we won't be left behind by the current economic development, and we should improve the efficiency to capture every opportunity.[/color][color=red] More importantly, someone think that taking a break means dropping the money because they hold the opinion that time is money. [/color][color=#000000]However, compared to a good health and an enjoyable life, money, opportunity, and the success of business seem nothing to me. Thus, I'd love to slow down to achieve the most meaningful life.[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#000000]432[/color][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]初稿：[/color][/font][/color][/color][color=seagreen][color=seagreen][color=magenta]红色部分是不太确定的表达[/color]。[/color][/color][color=black]修改过拼写及语法错误。[/color]

[font=Arial]Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying,"  We may miss terrific sceneries if we walk too fast." Nowadays, here goes a heated debating. Some people prefer to get things down quickly, while others think that we should live life at a slower pace. As far as I'm concerned, we should slow down not only for the purpose to gain a more healthy body, but enjoy every minute of the [color=magenta]seeming short life[/color].[/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[font=Arial]For starters, in order to be healthier, we should slow down the pace. The recent statistics published by the China Daily shows that on average 75% of the employees in three big cities--Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou--are undergoing a depression due to the stress comes from their work. As we all know, depression is kind of mental diseases, which also contributes to the poorer condition of physical status. People with depression may get sleeplessness, become less appetite, and more seriously harm the heart normal function. Been frightened by this report, I can't take my health as risk. Rather than work night and day, I prefer to be more relaxed so that I won't[color=magenta] turn into depression.[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[font=Arial]Besides, taking a slower pace can provide us more free time to enjoy the everyday life. Last week, our community organized a barbecue, which I enjoyed very much on the beach in the suburb. The environment there was brilliant, no cars, no pollution, all we had was the breeze from the surface of the sea. At first we played volleyball on the beach, then we [color=magenta]digged holes to find little crabs[/color], in the end we held a big dinner to celebrate the coming of spring. We really had a good time and completely escaped from the [color=magenta]heave-load works[/color]. What a pity to the people who care only about their contracts, bills all day. How much fun would he/she miss? Therefore, to experience the beauty of nature, I would choose a slower pace of life.[/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[font=Arial]Although many people argue that we should speed up so that we won't be left behind by the current economic development, and we should improve the efficiency to capture every opportunity. More important, time is money, someone think that taking a break means dropping the money. However, compared to a good health and an enjoyable life, money, opportunity, and the success of business seem nothing to me. Thus, I'd love to slow down to achieve the most meaningful life.[/font]
[font=Arial]413[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 TSONG 于 2008-4-26 22:08 编辑 [/i]]

[font=宋体][font=Arial]初稿：[/font][/font]
[font=Arial]37’ 428[/font]
[font=Arial]Different people have different characteristics. Some of them are apt to go to places in a hurry and complete tasks as soon as possible, while others would like to enjoy every minute of their lives and get things done in a slower pace. As to me, it is a bit haste to decide which life style is more proper to me in that according to diverse situation, I will have totally different choices, however, in most cases, I prefer to make matters done in a slower speed.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]In a slower pace, it allows me to think matters over calmly and objectively. As the old saying goes, think twice before jump. People that hurry up often have no time to consider things comprehensively, which will lead to a one-side conclusion. Or even worse, it will result in a completely wrong decision which maybe is not able to be corrected from then on. Let us just look around. Perhaps you get up late in the morning and have little time to take breakfast, so in a hurry put a medal bowl of milk into the microwave dove and hope to heat it in several seconds and drink it on the way to your company. Nevertheless, it is well known that medal containers should not be put into microwave doves. Otherwise, the microwave dove will be destroyed and even cause fire in your house. As a result, I would rather to keep a slower pace to maintain a calm mind than in a hurry.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]Another reason for me to choose a slower life is that people in slower speed of life always feel relax. It is undoubted that everybody would like to be in a peaceful and comfortable state. Recent data has showed that people in relax state will live longer than those who are in stress, and have few chances to suffer from mental and cardiac diseases.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]Admittedly, finishing the tasks in a limited period has its merits as well. It spares an amount of time to do other useful and interesting things. What is more, doing things as soon as possible can make people especially students know the essence of efficiency, which is, of course, conducive to their development and maturity in the long run. [/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]In sum, judging from the convincing evidences provided, although considering the advantages of doing things in a hurry, I would like to live in a slower pace in most situations, not only because it gives me more time to think matters in a comprehensive and objective way, but makes me in a good mood.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=宋体][font=Arial]修改稿：[/font][/font]
[font=Arial]1h[font=宋体]改[/font] 429[/font]
[font=Arial]Different people have different characters. Some of them are apt to go to places in a hurry and complete tasks as soon as possible, while others would like to enjoy every minute of their lives and get things done in a slower pace. As to me, it is a bit haste to decide which life style is more proper to me in that according to diverse situations, I will have totally different choices. However, in most cases, I prefer to make matters done in a slower speed.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]In a slower pace, it allows me to think matters over calmly and objectively. As the old saying goes, think twice before jump. People that hurry up often have no time to consider things comprehensively, which will lead to a one-sided conclusion. Or even worse, as another old saying goes, haste makes waste. And it will result in a completely wrong decision which maybe is irreversible from then on. Let us just look around. Perhaps you get up late in the morning and have little time to take breakfast, so in haste put a metallic bowl of milk into the microwave oven and hope to heat it in several seconds and drink it on the way to your company. Nevertheless, it is well known that metallic containers should never be put into a microwave oven. Otherwise, the oven will be destroyed and even cause fire disaster in your house. As a result, I would rather to keep a slower pace to maintain [b]a sober head[/b].(这么表达对吗，冷静的头脑？)[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]Another reason for me to choose a slower life is that people in slower speed of life always feel relax. It is undoubted that everybody would like to be in a peaceful and comfortable state. Recent data has showed that people in relaxed status will live longer than those who are in stress, and have fewer possibilities to suffer from mental or cardiac diseases.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]Admittedly, finishing the tasks in a limited period has its merits as well. It spares an amount of time to do other useful and interesting things. What is more, doing things as quickly as possible can make people especially students know the essence of efficiency, which is, of course, conducive to their development and maturity in the long run. [/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]In sum, judging from the supporting evidences provided, although considering the advantages of doing things in a hurry, I would like to live in a slower pace in most situations, not only because it gives me more time to think matters in a comprehensive and objective way, but makes me in a good mood.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 cami119 于 2008-4-25 19:02 编辑 [/i]]

终于写完了，呵呵i
刚开始审题时确实没审好题，初稿跑题了，在第三段中体现的很明显，呵呵（捅自己一刀）！:Q
04.25初稿：

[font=Times New Roman]A large amount of people living in the city claim that only being busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success, therefore, they always in a hurry to go to places and get things done. Others, on the other hand, hold the opinion that life should be a enjoyable process and it is better for us grasp every time and chance to enjoy our meaningful and enjoyable life. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the latter opinion.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]The most important factor for my inclination is that living in a slower pace will be beneficial for us to maintain a good health and fitness. After all, health is the one of the most significant concerns of our whole life. And as we all know that physical and mental health are important prerequisites for our career development and achievement. While a style of busy life may bring significant harm to both physical and mental health and will more likely [/font][font=Times New Roman]to destroy our normal life. A recent investigation conducted in China indicates that 4 out of 5 city residents are living in a sub-healthy condition because of the quick pace life. Therefore, living in a leisure condition may enable us a highly qualified life and make our a longer life expectancy.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Another equally essential reason is that I don't think life should be filled with busy work. There are more meaningful and beautiful things we should better experience and enjoy, which, in some degree, may dramatically broaden our horizon and also be helpful to relax ourselves from the pressure of study or work. For example, on Saturdays or Sundays, I usually go to visit the parks or the museums in my city with my family, which have brought me not only a harmony situation in my family but the energy and high spirits to deal with my affairs in my work. Moreover, after a tedious work of a day, my colleagues and friends often organize a party to relax ourselves and completely enjoy the life. At the party, I have many chances to communicate with my friends and also make a multitude of new friends. With this kind of slower pace of life, we all have a higher morale and spirit to work as a team and also greatly improve the whole efficiency of the company. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Although living in a busy life may also some benefits like more chances to get high salaries or position promotion, I still prefer to live in a slower pace and like to enjoy every second in my life, which will not only brings me the good condition of my life but also make me more likely to gain success.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]结合了hys17 和evilscorpilo(名字好难拼啊，:lol )和wuhao5217195（名字也很长:lol ）的修改建议，在此表示深深的感谢！04.26改后的：[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[color=black][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]A large amount of people who are living in the city claim that only being busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success. Therefore, they are always in a hurry to go to places and get things done. Others, on the other hand, hold the opinion that life should be a enjoyable process at a slower pace and it is better for us grasp every time and chance to enjoy our meaningful and enjoyable life. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the latter opinion.[/font][/size][/color]

[color=black][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]The most important factor for my inclination is that living in a slower pace will be beneficial for us to maintain a perfect health and fitness. After all, health is the one of the most significant concerns of our whole life. And as we all know that physical and mental health are vital prerequisites for our career development and achievement. On the contrary, a style of busy life may bring significant harm to both physical and mental health and will be more likely to destroy our normal life. A recent investigation conducted in China indicates that 4 out of 5th city residents are living in a sub-healthy condition because of the quick pace life. Therefore, living in a leisure condition may enable us a highly qualified life and make us an expectancy of a longer life.[/font][/size][/color]


[color=black][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]Another equally essential reason is that I think that doing things at a slower pace, rather than at a quick pace, can ensure the high efficiency and quality. Since it is nearly impossible for us to do the same things all the time, and everything that we have to deal with has its own special conditions and considerations, which may spend us a certain time and energy on thinking of them before doing them. While a person can not completely and considerably elaborate on the things he/she will finish because he/she has not enough time to think of them carefully. For instance, Andy, one of my friends, usually does the things in a hurry, but always does some foolish things. Last time, we went to Egypt to have a holiday, he just spent no more than two hours to prepare, while others spent nearly one day. When we arrived at the airport, he suddenly found that he had forgotten to take the ticket. What a terrible thing![/size][/font][/size][/color]
[color=black][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size][/color]
[color=black][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Although living in a busy life may also have some benefits like more opportunities to get high salaries or promotions, I still prefer to live in a slower pace and like to enjoy every second and thing in my life, which will not only brings me the good condition of my life but also make me more likely to gain success.[/font][/size][/color]

[[i] 本帖最后由 愿望 于 2008-4-26 17:51 编辑 [/i]]

[font=Times New Roman]感觉一般 只是速度快了些了``````[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]With fast development of world today, people, as a essential part of it, the pace of their life are become more rapidly. So, many people are faced with such a dilema, whether they should hurry to go to places or take their time and live a more slower pace.  I prefer the former one.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]To begin with, people live in this developing world, it is no doubt that they need catch up with the pace of the development. I can think of no better illustrations than following cases, I am a college student, I have spend a large number of time of my majors, such as mechanics, statics, materials and so on. However, when China join the WTO, it is brings about more international communication in our major, so, English becomes an essential ability in this field. Only can we save the time from daily life and live a rapidly pace of life to conquer more knowledge. So, only hurry to go to places and get things done can make we more able to survival in the world.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, as an old saying goes, "Time is as important as money". We should search a more efficient life style. People usually have an uncounted issues to deal with, a great number of things need to learn from developing world, and also limited time just 24 hours a day are available for them. If we are intend to succeed in doing something that others can not do, we are probably think more and practice more, only can we figure it out that if we can save more time from our daily life. A recent survey conducted in 2008, there are nearly 70 percent of people who are leaders of their field, are hurry to go to places and get things done. All of that is for save more time to focus on the things that they deem important.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, there are also some disadvantages to live in too fast pace. For example, results from the fast moving pace, we always forget where we intend to go, what we chase to get, and even the way back home. Nowadays, it becomes an serious problem for modern people.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that although hurry to go to places and get things done have a detrimental effect on people's life, but the merits of it overshadow its disadvantages, so I cling to the point that to the former one. [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]参照小蝎的建议[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]修改:[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]With fast development of [/size][color=red]the[/color]
[size=10.5pt]world today, people, as a[color=red]n[/color] essential part of it, the pace of their life are become more rapidly.[/size] ([/font][font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]So, many people are faced with such a [color=fuchsia]dilemma,[/color] whether they should hurry to go to places or take their time and live a [/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]slower pace. I prefer the former one[/font][/size]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]To begin with, people [/font][color=red][font=Times New Roman]living[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] in this developing world, it is no doubt that they need[color=red] to[/color] catch up with the pace of the development. I can think of no better illustrations than following cases, I am a college student, I have [color=red]to[/color] spend a large [color=red]quality [/color]of time [color=red]on[/color] my majors, such as mechanics, statics, materials and so on. M[/font][font=Times New Roman][color=red]oreover[/color] when China join the WTO, it [/font][font=Times New Roman] brings about more international communication in our major, so, English becomes an essential ability in this field. Only can we save the time from daily life and live a [color=red]rapid [/color]pace of life to conquer more knowledge. So, only hurry to go to places and get things done can make [color=red]us [/color]more able to [color=red]survive[/color] in the world.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, as an old saying goes, "Time is as important as money". We should search a more efficient life style. People usually have uncounted issues to deal with,
[/font][font=Times New Roman]a great number of things need to learn from developing world, and also limited time just 24 hours a day are available for them.
[/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这段[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]1.people [/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]是主语，后面三个是句子的一个成分，用[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]and[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]连接形成并列[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]; [color=black]改怎么改呢?[/color][/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=black]）[/color][/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] If we [/font][font=Times New Roman]intend to succeed in doing something that others can not do, we [/font][font=Times New Roman] probably think more and practice more, only can we figure it out that if we can save more time from our daily life. A recent survey conducted in 2008, there are nearly 70 percent of people who are leaders of their field[color=red]s[/color], are hurry to go to places and get things done. All of that is for save more time to focus on the things that they deem important.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, there are also some disadvantages to live in too fast pace. For example, results from the fast moving pace, we always forget where we intend[color=red]ed[/color] to go, what we chase[color=red]d[/color] to get, and even the way back home. Nowadays, it becomes [color=red]a [/color]serious problem for modern people.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that although hurry to go to places and get things done have a detrimental effect on people's life, but the merits of it overshadow its disadvantages, so I cling to the point that to the former one. [/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-27 15:08 编辑 [/i]]

[font=Times New Roman]写了50分钟，根本没时间检查了，感觉没发挥好，可能是最近课上晕了，嘿嘿嘿，借口:loveliness: [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Do you pay little attention to detail while you were hurrying through your assignments? Do you forget about your dates that you made while you were rushing through your schedule? Do you feel depression while you were hastening through your life? Nowadays living at a frantic pace with no regard of quality of work, impersonal relationship and health are being considered as necessary. However, I would prefer living in a slower pace instead of quick pace. Among countless factors which influence my decision there are three conspicuous aspects as follows.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]The most consequent point of my penchant for living in a slower pace is that I can finish my projects better. Before I tended to hurry in my reading so that I hardly understand the passages deeply. My teacher told me that my quick tempo of reading, to some extent, influence my comprehension. Then, taking his suggestion I attempt to slow down the speed and pay more patience to reading. Now I improve my reading skills and obtain high mark in my tests.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Another reason can be seen by every person is that there are heavy odds against your impersonal relationship if you live in a rush. In some cases, a friend of mine, Jaycee, is always forgetting her dates which she made and the things she agreed to do for her friends while she was hurrying through her agenda. Seldom do her friends consider her to be a reliable person. Provided she can slow her pace of life, she will not lose track of her friends.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, the detrimental effects of the quick pace of life style upon the physiological and mental state of people have loomed so large. One authority on health of people, named People Health Organization (PHO), made a census that more than 80% of individuals who lead a quick pace life show some personality disorder, say, distress, disturbance, anxiety and the like. Moreover, according to a recent survey done by the organization, the average life expectancy of citizens who live in a shower pace are four years longer than that of people who live in quick pace.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, quick pace does have certain advantages over slow one. People can do a large number of tasks in a limited time and they may attain a great deal of achievement for these. However, slow pace has more valuable merits for people. I therefore reinforce my standpoint to choose a slower pace to live as my final choice.[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-26 10:09 编辑 [/i]]

写了一个小时，头晕中。。。450字
貌似楼上都还没写，先看看一楼的吧，一楼也帮我改改阿谢谢:lol

[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]In modern society, with the growth of economy, the rhythm of life is also increases. A recent survey said that there are almost 80% people who are in under-healthy due to stress caused by the accelerated a speed of life. Thereby, I’m inclination to an unhurried pace of life.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]The reduction of pace in life can keep us in a good health and a good mood. Only to slow our step, we could be aware of flowers aside a street, songs of birds in a tree, enjoyable breeze and warm sunshine that will refresh us and be beneficial to our body. As long as we slow down, we will possess a more lovely and healthy life. However, to roam in the street, nowadays, you will find that everybody who has twisted eyebrows and walks in haste seems to be busies to doing some significant things, whereas, in fact, there has no thing that they must to do, which is a common phenomenon in modern life. People under the symptom show that invariably keep in a nervous situation, even after working, that result in an illness which displays the sleepless, to startle to wake up by a nightmare, and which, especially, consisted in young people who afford lots of pressure than the elders. According to a psychologist’s research, the number of youth who suffer from the illness for the pressure caused by the gradually growing of rhythm of life is increasing at a speed to add ten percent every year. And in the article, the researcher indicated that the function of immune system of those people who under the state will be reduced to defend them from bacteria, resulting in getting them into illness.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]This is a part of the picture, besides the efficiency of working will be enhanced with a moderate pace. When feel tired, we can go out to picnic, climb mountain, or just roam to breathe fresh air with friends in weekend which will take us a good mood and situation in Monday’s working. The method that recreation is integrated into working is a way that can streamline the work-rate and bring a perfect outcome. In contract, people to work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily. But the conclusion gained with a short time often companies with a number of mistakes that might be give rise to numerous problems for a fatigue that caused by keeping working consistently in a nervous state.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]Moreover, no one will deny that the aim of everyone came into the world is enjoy and feel the life which always superior to the work. Under the circumstance of pressure constantly will have no benefit to people except sleepless and eternal pressure.[/font][/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-25 18:26 编辑 [/i]]

真不好意思，占了这么久才来写。。。
写了好长时间（主要是边聊天，边写的。。。下次不能这样了）拍吧！


[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]The question about taking an easy or a busy life has been discussed for a long time. Some people might enjoy life and get things done then take another thing, while others may just take their time and get easy life. From my personal angle alone, the later point of view match my value of life. There are two reasons that I will use to support my idea.[/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]First of all, busy life brings too much pressure and harm to our healthy. I have ever been to Tokyo three years ago, where people did everything in hurry. They walked in a speed of 12 km per hour in their suits,fulling of their agendas with a great number of businesses. They even didn't look around on buses inspead of thinking about their own affects. In this cittuation it’s not hard to understand the survey’s result: over 10,000 people killed themselevs. On the other hand, my travel to Lijiang, a small town at Yunan province of China, gave me a totally different feeling. Not only was I attracted by the beautiful views there, but also moved by their happy lives cosiste of natural singing, dancing and the picture of kids having fun with friends under the warm sunshine while adults reading books or watching movies. In this way, there is no doubt that Lijiang could be selected as one the most happiest places around the world. Comparing the above two cities, it’s obviously that, busy life is harmfully to peoples’ daily life.[/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]The second reason I would like to mention is that busy work take our time to enjoy the beauty of life. Staying in a hurry life, more often than not, is keeping in the step of no rest work. Most people work for making lives while only 0.99% might work just for fun. So the other 99.01% earn money to buy food, to pay car or house, and the most important,to feel the joy of life. Hardly could I lost myself in a great novel with e-mails about business waiting for me in my hotmail box. I even couldn’t dream about a three days’ trip abroad because of so many things need to be done. So I couldn’t help wondering whether I need to work so hard that no time to enjoy my life? Or I could just earn enough money, staying at home without doing anything. Are these two cittuation have any different to a person who never get the chance enjoy his/her life? Me, personally, I never discover the difference. [/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]In conclusion, I can always take it for granted that easier and slower life is my lifelong choice, which never changed. The life should be of our own, by our own and to our own.[/size][/font]

根据意见修改后：(红色是修改部分，蓝色是添加部分)
The question about taking an easy or a busy life has been discussed for a long time. Some people might enjoy life and get things done then take another thing, while others may just take their time and get easy life. From my personal angle alone, [color=red]the later point of view coincides with mine.[/color] There are two reasons that I will use to support my idea.
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]First of all, busy life brings too much pressure and harm to our healthy. I have ever been to Tokyo three years ago, where people did everything in hurry. They walked in a speed of 12 km per hour in their suits,fulling of their agendas with a great number of businesses. [color=red]They even didn't look around on buses inspead of considering their safety issues.[/color] In this cittuation it’s not hard to understand the survey’s result: over 10,000 people killed themselevs. On the other hand, my travel to Lijiang, a small town at Yunan province of China, gave me a totally different feeling. Not only was I attracted by the beautiful views there, but also moved by their happy lives cosiste of natural singing, dancing and the picture of kids having fun with friends under the warm sunshine while adults reading books or watching movies. [color=blue]Their flower-like smellings tell me how wonderful their lives are. The more important is settlers come from busy-life told me that they seldom got illness since they moved to the easy-life area.[/color] Comparing the above[color=red] two kinds of lives[/color], it’s obviously that,[color=red] busy life is harmful to peoples' healthy.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]The second reason I would like to mention is that busy work take our time to enjoy the beauty of life. Staying in a hurry life, more often than not, is keeping in the step of no rest work. [color=blue]People in hurry to get their work done, appointted another work soon after the above one.[/color] According to a survey, most people work for making lives while only 0.99% might work just for fun. So the other 99.01% earn money to buy food, to pay car or house, and the most important,to feel the joy of life. Hardly could I lost myself in a great novel with e-mails about business waiting for me in my hotmail box. I even couldn’t dream about a three days’ trip abroad because of so many things need to be done.[color=purple] [/color][color=blue]I have to accelerate my steps to run after my jobs.[/color] So I couldn’t help wondering whether I need to work so hard that no time to enjoy my life? Or I could just earn enough money, staying at home without doing anything. Are these two cittuation have any different to a person who never get the chance enjoy his/her life? Me, personally, I never discover the difference. [/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Helvetica][size=10.5pt]In conclusion, I can always take it for granted that easier and slower life is my lifelong choice, which never changed. The life should be of our own, by our own and to our own.[/size][/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 free_fly_wing 于 2008-4-30 11:52 编辑 [/i]]

回复 2# 的帖子

第二段第一句：No one could deny the fact, foremost, rushing would go with considerlessness 。没有considerlessness这个词吧。楼主是要表达粗心吗？carelessness
第二段最后一句：even though he do get things done quickly.应该是he does
第三段：Some people said that the people who live slowly is smart。 is改成are
最后一段：Life goes on more wonderfully by more considernesses。也没有considerness。不知道楼主要表达什么意思。
水平有限只能找到那么几个小错误了，不过楼主表达的很好啊，跟我思路差不多，但是感觉我写的太复杂了，搞得自己最后都快写不下去了~~
还有就是楼主很有创新精神啊哈哈
ps:楼主很多标点符号后面没空格a~

[[i] 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-25 18:27 编辑 [/i]]

回复 2# 的帖子

1、第二段：No one could deny the fact,foremost,rushing would go with considerlessness,which is one thing that is unacceptable in the modern world and could bring terrible result,not efficiency.
这句话的最后的result 改成results或者，会不会更合适些？
bring terrible result,not efficiency改成bring terrible consequences as well as lower efficiency会不会更连贯些？

这段中你举例子时先总的说，后详细说明例子感觉很值得学习，呵呵，我总感觉举例子挺难的，哥们看到后给我指点指点哈。
2、第三段中，Some people said that the people who live slowly is smart,which is a point that many people could not understand.这句，除了把is改成are，said和 后面的 is/are对应吗？我有点不确定。
还有后面那句中的you are quickly trying 和caught好像时态总感觉不顺。
By that,you did not miss anything and you grabbed something even better.
能不能改成：By that,you will not miss anything and you may more likely to grab something even better.

3、最后一段：considernesses没有这个词，改成considerations 怎么样？


我觉的你以前的风格挺好的，呵呵，现在搞写作，感觉没什么进步，给我指点指点啊。我 5.17的，迫在眉睫了:(

呵呵,非常感谢10,11楼的2位朋友,在写得时候我也感觉那2个词不对劲,只是看起来能明白就没管了
总体来说,这一篇是我所有练习中目前为止最放的开的一篇,所以写得时候也没顾及那么多,想在考前再尝试一些新的手段
unfortunately,it turns out ugly~
您们说的语病都没错，只是我在改的时候没注意

只是有一句By that,you did not miss anything and you grabbed something even better.
I still stand on my point.因为例子中的各种动作都是以发生的，所以这句是站在结果的角度去说的，应该没什么问题。

Imaging,for instance,when you are quickly trying to catch a butterfly but you missed a bunch of rare and beautiful flowers even though you caught the butterfly eventually.
这一句的那个are改成were就应该没有问题了，which I just did~

标点之间是不用空格的，估计11楼的朋友是用Word检查的吧，我也发现了，只有Word才有此要求，考试的时候应该是无所谓的

再次感谢，晚一些帮2位看看作文


PS：我5月4日

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-25 21:23 编辑 [/i]]

回复 8# 的帖子

In modern society, with the growth of economy, the rhythm of life is also increases.
In modern society, with the growth of economy, the rhythm of life is also increasing,

之后一句的80% people of what?全部人口？有点多了吧。如果是占所有受快速生活压抑的人群的80%那就应该是80% of people who.......之后还少一句，这80%怎么样了

I’m inclination to an unhurried pace of life.
I’m inclining to an unhurried pace of life.

As long as we slow down, we will possess a more lovely and healthy life.
As long as we slow down, we will possess a more lovely and healthier life.

However, to roam in the street, nowadays, you will find that everybody who has twisted eyebrows and walks in haste seems to be busies to doing some significant things, whereas, in fact, there has no thing that they must to do, which is a common phenomenon in modern life.
busies-busy,形容词。to doing-to do.no thing-nothing.However与whereas能否同时使用，不确定~

People under the symptom show that invariably keep in a nervous situation
People under the symptom show that invariably keeping in a nervous situation

that result in an illness which displays the sleepless,
results,后面的逗号可以省略

to startle to wake up by a nightmare
to startle by waking up by a nightmare

consisted in young people who afford lots of pressure than the elders.
consisted in young people who afford much more pressure than the elders.

According to a psychologist’s research, the number of youth who suffer from the illness for the pressure caused by the gradually growing of rhythm of life is increasing at a speed to add ten percent every year.
the number of youth who are suffered from the illness which came from the pressure,
is increasing at a speed to add ten percent every year.前面加个逗号，to add-which is adding

And in the article, the researcher indicated that the function of immune system of those people who under the state will be reduced to defend them from bacteria, resulting in getting them into illness.
researchers~
who are under the state
reduced from defending them.....

This is a part of the picture, besides the efficiency of working will be enhanced with a moderate pace.
This is only one part of the picture, besides,the efficiency of working will be enhanced with a moderated pace.

When feel tired, we can go out to picnic, climb mountain, or just roam to breathe fresh air with friends in weekend which will take us a good mood and situation in Monday’s working.
When feeling tired, we can go out to picnic, climb mountain, or just roam to breathe fresh air with friends at weekend which will bring us a good mood and situation on Monday’s working.

In contract, people to work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.
In contract, people who work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.

But the conclusion gained with a short time often companies with a number of mistakes that might be give rise to numerous problems for a fatigue that caused by keeping working consistently in a nervous state.
But the conclusion gained with a short time often companies with a number of mistakes that might give rise to numerous problems for a fatigue that caused by keeping working consistently in a nervous state.

Moreover, no one will deny that the aim of everyone came into the world is enjoy and feel the life which always superior to the work.
Moreover, no one will deny the fact that the aim of everyone for coming into the world is to enjoy and to feel the life which is always superior to the work.

Under the circumstance of pressure constantly will have no benefit to people except sleepless and eternal pressure.
Under the circumstance,the pressure constantly will have no benefits to people except sleepless and eternal pressure.

建议这位朋友在没有掌握之前，尤其是在考试的时候尽量不要尝试用这么多如此复杂的句子，一方面句子一复杂自己控制不住，你的这篇文章大部分的句子都有问题，另一方面时间也来不及，除非你很熟练，你用了1小时就是一个很好的例子
不过总体来说,你的观点表达相对清楚了，复杂句方面建议先补一下语法方面的知识，看看优秀习作与新闻之类的，否则一味的这么练下去收效甚微

PS：我语法也不怎么样，有些如果说得有误见谅~

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-25 21:58 编辑 [/i]]

回复 5# 的帖子

to maintain a good health
good太多人用了呵 换个呵
I have many chances to communicate with my friends and also make a multitude of new friends.
multitude 有点不妥呵
例子比较生动~~
觉得你让步那里可以再扩展些吧
总体还好哈

插1句,很又建树的topic,可以参照德克斑竹解析的NCE41课.

回复 5# 的帖子

A large amount of people living in the city claim that only being busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success,
A large amount of people who are living in the city claim that they are only busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success.(句号）

therefore, they always in a hurry to go to places and get things done.
Therefore, they are always in a hurry to go to places and get things done. (get前面要不要+to，不确定)

As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the latter opinion.   favor前面+a

A recent investigation conducted in China indicates that 4 out of 5 city residents are living in a sub-healthy condition because of the quick pace life.
4 out of 5th

Therefore, living in a leisure condition may enable us a highly qualified life and make our a longer life expectancy.
Therefore, living in a leisure condition may enable us into a highly qualified life and make us an expectancy of a longer life

which have brought me not only a harmony situation in my family but the energy and high spirits to deal with my affairs in my work.
which have brought me not only a harmony situation in my family but also the energy and high spirits to deal with my affairs in my work.

after a tedious work of a day
after the tedious work of a day

At the party, I have many chances to communicate with my friends and also make a multitude of new friends.
multitude 后面应该要+个amount

Although living in a busy life may also some benefits like more chances to get high salaries or position promotion,
Although living in a busy life may also has some benefits like more chances to get high salaries or promotion,

感觉思路比较清晰，表达也比较清晰，只是例子感觉有点多而散，集中一些，细化一些会更令人信服。

看看2#的新写法哈
语言就不说了呵 你知道我语言水平的
只是我觉得结构上
你2段在说
HURRY的坏处
最后再让步好处方面一下
这样再揭示你的观点
可以吗?  新写法哈
有待考证呵~~~

回复 7# 的帖子

p1 觉得几个问句很好。后面直击主题，条理清晰。
p2 My teacher told me that my quick tempo of reading influences my comprehension to some extent. 此处tempo不确定可否这样使用
p3 Another reason can be seen every person is that...这句话也不太理解。Another reason can be seen in every person is that...?
agenda这个词是不是有点大？lose track of 是不是失去线索的意思？
p4 anxiety and the like这个也不懂。
who live in a slower pace are four years longer than that of people who live in quick pace
p5 Therefore, I reinforce my ...
感觉作者词汇很强大，读的时候好多词都查的字典:lol 。不过还是有些不懂的地方，提出来，希望得到解答。共同进步啊！

问一个有关综合写作的问题。

一直有个疑问，望高人解答。
论述是先叙述listening好一些还是先叙述reading好一些呢？
A. The professor states that..., which contradict the reading passage that....
B. The reading passage states that..., while the professor completely refutes this idea that....
还有，整篇文章中是不是如果第二段先listening，后面都应该先listening，不能出现交叉形式？
谢谢啦!困扰中……

回复 18# 的帖子

谢谢你的修改 嘿嘿……
Another reason can be seen [color=red]by[/color] every person is that  打字的时候掉了一个by   my heart is too 粗
lose track of  是忘记的意思
agenda 我也觉得不好但是我好像没找到特别好的词代替
and the like 是and so on的意思
:loveliness:

[[i] 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-26 00:55 编辑 [/i]]