查看完整版本: OG第二篇作文 大家帮忙看看

OG第二篇作文 大家帮忙看看

题目是 young adults是和父母住更长的时间好还是自己尽快独立好 这是我准备写作的第二篇作文 大家帮忙拍拍~谢谢！

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As young adults step into their 20’s, they face a dilema in life. Some young adults want immediate independence from their parents and arrange their life for the first time, while others would love to live with their parents for a longer period. Between the two different choices, I prefer the former one. My reasons are stated as below:[/font]
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First of all, independence from our parents is an inevitable lesson we should learn as we grow
into adulthood. We need to know how to manage our money and time as well as how to make an appropiate decision at certain points.This can be quite confusing yet quite crucial.They are the basic abilites we should obtain to estabilish ourselves in the society. Being independent from parents as soon as possible is a way of facing the reality and challeaging yourself bravely despite some pain and depression.[/font]
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Besides, there’re many advantages of being independent as soon as possible compared to staying with parents. As young adults leave their parents, nobody can offer them a warm shelter as before. They have to think, decide and perform independently. By doing a part-time job, they provide themselves with som finacial support as well as get to know how to deal with people around. By making decisions after carefull contemplation, they are more clear what they value most and what they want in life. This can be huge fortune when they are totally independent as a social member.[/font]
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On the contrary, young adults still living with parents can hardly achieve any of the advantages mentioned above, since parents tend to make every tiny plan for their treasured son or daughter. Under the wings of their parents, they barely have the opportunity to be tough and strong.[/font]
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Though difficulties and frustraions on the way, being independent from parents as soon as possible is benificial to young adults. As you can see, little birds will one day spread their wings in the beautiful blue sky.[/font]

欢迎一切意见:)

第一段，dilema>dilemma
第二段，第二行appropiate>appropriate
                第三行，abilites>abilities  estabilish>establish
        最后一行，不要用yourself,改为ourselves，前面的challenging拼写错了~~
第三段，第二行，som finacial >some financial
        第三行，clear比较级应该是clearer,   carefull>careful
第四段，frustraions>frustrations  benificial >beneficial

谢谢啦 就结构或语言上的问题呢？