查看完整版本: 今天下午安静 写了一篇 大家看看哈~~先谢了

今天下午安静 写了一篇 大家看看哈~~先谢了

[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]l老朋友好还是年轻朋友好?[/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Do you spend a plenty of time with your friends? Do you ask help from your friends when you are in trouble? Do you strive in your work or study with your friends? If the answer is yes, which kind of friends do you prefer? From where I stand, I prefer young friends.[/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]To begin with, young friends, which are the similar age with us, surely would share interests with us. For example, I love playing basketball, and I enjoy spending my leisure time with my young friends on the playground. In the match, we try our best to win the game, play the best teamwork, and operate the 5 people as a whole union. Besides, as a team, we hold the same perspective of view about the game, a similar spiritual of life, even the chasing goal in the future. Hardly can I imagine that if my friends are a lot older than me, we have not got the same topics, interests, and opinions.[/font][/size]
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[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, as a Chinese old saying goes, "Young people are like the sun in eight o'clock in the morning ". It means that the young people’ fulfilled with energy, enthusiasm, and the spiritual that never give up. When people are young, they live life with power, they do everything with great enthusiasm, and they put all their effort on ideal. Sometimes they have faced with failures, but they will never give up, they restart the journey and become put more power into it. A recent survey conducted by C.C.S (China Campus Survey) that nearly 85 percent student are learned a lot by the young friends. SO, it is no doubt that young friends exert a positive effect on us.[/font][/size]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=12pt]Admittedly, the friends with old age also have their own merits. Due to older than you, they have experienced more than you, they can handle the issues propriety. Besides, they do the things with [/size][color=fuchsia]sensible[/color][size=12pt], consideration, self control.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=12pt]However, we can draw conclusion that the disadvantages of old friends is overshadow its merits, young friends can share[/size] the same opinion and interests, chasing the same goal with us, and can teaches us a lot. So, I cling to have young friends[/font][size=12pt][/size]

第二段：
in eight o'clock 改为 at ~
spiritual应该改成名词形式吧？ 改为sipirit
have faced with failures 这个我不知道对不对 不过我觉得饿最好改为may face... 表达可能
put all their effort改为efforts 复数
ideal这个我没明白
are learned a lot改为have~
第三段：
Due to older than you 这个我觉得不对 但是我不知道怎么改-_-||
propriety应该改为副词形式
sensible应该改为carefulness或circumspection
第四段：
the same interests 应该改为单数 interest
chaseing —— chase；teaches——teach

楼主应该用word检查一下为好，否则可能收获不太大。不过有些短语用的很不错，值得学习啊，记下了

如有错误之处敬请原谅

[font=Times New Roman]Do you spend a plenty of time with your friends? Do you ask help from your friends when you are in trouble? Do you strive in your work or study with your friends? If the answer is yes, which kind of friends do you prefer[/font][font=宋体]，[/font][font=Times New Roman][color=red]old friends or young friends[/color]? From where I stand, I prefer young friends.[/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]To begin with, young friends, [color=red]who[/color] are similar [color=red]old[/color] with us, surely would share interests with us. For example, I love playing basketball, and I enjoy spending my leisure time with my young friends on the playground. In the match, we try our best to win the game, play the best teamwork, and operate the five people as a whole union. Besides, as a team, we hold the same [color=red]perspective of view([/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]不知道什么意思？[/font][/color][color=red][font=Times New Roman]perspective [/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]就是[/font][/color][color=red][font=Times New Roman] view)[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] about the game, a similar[color=red] spirit[/color] of life, even the chasing goal in the future. Hardly can I imagine that if my friends are a lot older than me, we have not got the same topics, interests, and opinions.

Furthermore, as a Chinese old saying goes, "Young people are like the sun [color=red]at[/color] eight o'clock in the morning ". It means that the young people’ [color=red]fulfill[/color] with energy, enthusiasm, and the [color=red]spirit[/color] that never give up. When people are young, they live life with power, they do everything with great enthusiasm, and they put all their [color=red]efforts[/color] on ideal. Sometimes they [color=red]may suffer [/color]failures, but they will never give up, they restart the journey and become put more power into it. A recent survey conducted by C.C.S (China Campus Survey) that nearly 85 percent [color=red]students learned a lot from their[/color] young friends. So, it is no doubt that young friends exert a positive effect on us.

Admittedly, the friends with old age also have their own merits. Due to older than you, they have experienced more than you, they can handle the issues [color=red]properly[/color]. Besides, they do the things with [color=red]sensible[/color][/font][color=red][font=宋体]（这个是[/font][/color][color=red][font=Times New Roman]adj.[/font][/color][color=red][font=宋体]）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman], self control and more consideration.

However, we can draw conclusion that the disadvantages of old friends is overshadow[color=red] their[/color] merits, young friends can share the same opinion and interests, [color=red]chase[/color] the same goal with us, and [color=red]teach[/color] us a lot. So, I cling to have young friends.[/font]
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[font=宋体]刚考完月考，哈哈……帮你看看，不错不错，进步神速呀，没什麽语法问题了。[/font]
[font=宋体]开头我给个意见吧，用三个排比问句开头固然好，但是你的问题好像跟主题联系不大，根据你写的，我觉得如果能把问题的内容放到老朋友的劣势或者年轻朋友的优势上来就更好了，贴切主题嘛，嘿嘿……[/font]
[font=宋体]结构是两个理由段加一个让步段，但是你的让步段似乎有点少诶，建议和结论段合在一起。[/font]
[font=宋体]哦，对了，还有就是[/font][font=Times New Roman]a lot [/font][font=宋体]用得有点多……[/font]
[font=宋体]个人愚见，先说到这吧，刚考完，好累！[/font]

回复2#的帖子
多谢建议哈~~
那些错误真不应该......
ideal理想的意思是

回复3#的帖子
刚月考完? 辛苦辛苦了~~
好好休息下  
收下了哈~~
还是有些小错误
继续改进~
多谢了:lol

再问下小蝎
Due to older than you,
这样写我也觉得有点不好.....

月考考得好吧

due to 后面是应该加名词的吧？