问问~~

一下是作文。 live life in a hurry or at a slower pace?

Live life at a slow pace will bring a lot for our life. With the development of the industrialization of our country, the pace of life has been more and more intense. Generally, those who choose to live a enjoyable life are experiencing increasing stress from this accelerating society. Although this pressure seems to be inevitable, people living at a frantic pace, in my opinion, are really too tired and boring. Therefore, I choose to live and enjoy my gentle life, which brings me the beauty of my existence, gives me the chance to taste the process of my job, and make me healthier.

My study has never afflicted me, for however difficult it is, I always use my spare time to communicate with my friends, family and my lover, during which I feel deeply the value of my existence, which is the genuine emotional interaction with others. It is the slow pace of life that gives me more such opportunity.

Honestly, I used to be a workaholic. I found that I had had a lot results, but few of them are valuable. Later, I tried to render me slow down and analyze the way of my life; I was astounded to find the truth that we indeed need to think during working process in order not to be trapped by the temporary feeling which is just illusion.

Lastly, to be subject, it is beneficial for our health to choose the slow pace of life.
Since we can adjust our schedule whenever on the basis of the body condition, we will achieve a balance between man and the surrounding environment. I'm sorry to mention that my professor spent one month in hospital because of his tough agenda last year.

As a social person, i think life is the most important thing in the world, which needs a slow pace.


希望能给一些提高的建议。  我在听力版上混了很久了。  

给一下几点建议吧：  我水平如何。  
                                 有啥可以提高的方法。

谢谢各位老师！！ 真的感谢。

my lover, 这个很寒，情人

首段可以简化，
主体段要突出，
结尾可以再加一点。

Supporting paragraphs should logically connected by using transition words.

[quote]My study has never afflicted me, for however difficult it is, I always use my spare time to communicate with my friends, family and my lover, during which I feel deeply the value of my existence, which is the genuine emotional interaction with others. It is the slow pace of life that gives me more such opportunity.

Honestly, I used to be a workaholic. I found that I had had a lot results, but few of them are valuable. Later, I tried to render me slow down and analyze the way of my life; I was astounded to find the truth that we indeed need to think during working process in order not to be trapped by the temporary feeling which is just illusion.

Suggest: reorder these two paras and add transition words.

谢谢·！！

It is the slow pace of life that gives me more such opportunity。、、。。


我想问一下这个句子有没有语法问题。  more such opportunity     更多这样的机会   需要复数么？

谢谢 楼上！

more such oppotunities
oppotunity is c.n.

建议楼主看一下ＯＧ　P２５９～P２６７
着重看一下那几篇范文的　Rater's comments (最好能背一下score 5 的文章）
first of all楼主的文章缺乏逻辑性和层次感　应在ＢＯＤＹ段加入　transition words.　and  sub points 的主题句　ＴＯＥＦＬ作文要求往academic 靠拢　所以段首提出本段主旨会取悦考官
用S.Y的名言要让考官如沐春风，跪倒在地，高唱被你conquer
furthermore, LZ's each idea is only partly developed. For instance . in paragraph 2 楼主既然提到了 I always use my spare time to communicate with my friends, family and my lover, during which I feel deeply the value of my existence．．．．　why not give some detail or a personal example to develop your idea, as I vividly remember......(具体例子你是如何　use your spare time to communicate with your.....)   also ＬＺ可以引用一些名人，电影，名著来develop your idea or support your idea个人人好来钨电影＜人生遥控器＞就非常适合楼主第三段中的观点．如果考官认为你的idea 只是only partly developed那么分数估计只能３～４分之间　建议ＬＺ重点看一下ＯＧP267中间部分
All in All, 至于语言使用的准确性，连贯性等等就靠楼主日积月累啦！

[ 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-3-15 18:09 编辑 ]

en qifeihu gives some valuale suggestions.