老看别人的文章自己也来写一篇, 忽然发现自己原来眼高手低, 写完一数还不到400字,感觉作文还得经常写啊!, 感觉写的太简单了很多,都是没经过大脑凭感觉就写上的. 前两段都是曾经背过的段子, 所以很快就写完了,一回头发现写的很烂啊! 懒得改了!平时都是我给大家拍, 今天轮到我挨拍了!  大家不用留情
The world’s first television set can be traced back to nearly 80 years ago, when Farnsworth, an American inventor, televised a motion picture to people. On that day the world changed. You have to admit that this device has directly influenced the way of people's communication whether you like it or not. Generally speaking, it is rather superficial to simply say that television has destroyed communication among friends and family.
`It is true that watching television too much do harmful with people’s relationships. It has becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history. Sometimes people prefer watching TV at home to hanging out with friends and our families. We all have only 24 hours a day and it is clear that the more time we spend on watching TV, the less time we does with our families and friends. Hence, the passage printed in the newspaper or magazine titled “Television took my husband away.”
Although watching TV too much causes a multitude of problems, it still has some positive and crucial effect on developing the relationship among friends. Some popular TV shows, like Prison Break, Friends and Desperate Housewives, provide a good topic when friends meet each other. For instance, I often say, “Hi gays, have you seen the latest show of Prison Break this week.” as my ice-break. Then I have a easy and wonderful communication with my friend. You see, the television is working.
In addition, some educational and wonderful TV programs do a significant role in the family. Basically it can give the family an opportunity to sit together to enjoy the happiness family time. I vividly remember when I was a little boy, I watched a drama named Growing pains, one of the most successful TV shows of American in china, with my family every week.  We watch the TV show with laughing and eating the food which was cooked by mother. And we get some educational experience from the TV at the same time. I do love the moment, not only because the TV program is great, but also I stay with my family.
In conclusion, I think although watching television may do some harm to people’s communication, most impacts exert by the television are desirable and beneficial.. Therefore, I can hardly agree that television has destroyed communication among friends and family.

[ 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-4-5 05:57 编辑 ]

Grammatical mistakes:
It has becomes（become）....

have a（an） easy....

television is working(It will be better to replace "is working" by works)

the less time we does with(get along with) our families and friends

do（play） a significant role

We watch the TV show with laughing and eating the food which was cooked by mother. And we get some educational experience from the TV at the same time.
Maybe it should be :
We watched the TV show with laughing, ate the food which was cooked by my mother, and got some educational experience from it.

most impacts exert...
the impact exerted by.......is.....

感觉楼主太喜欢用do 去加强语气，一是感觉重复用让人感觉句式单一，而是有些地方用的不太好。比如，It is true that watching television too much do harmful with people’s relationships。应该是do harm to,如果是harmful，前面也少助动词，感觉很别扭。 It has becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history应该是it has become吧，还有这一句完全不支持论点，你是说电视占用交流的时间，但是这一句是说电视是最有力的交流工具。, the passage printed in the newspaper or magazine titled “Television took my husband away.”应该是was titled吧。Although watching TV too much causes a multitude of problems, it still has some positive and crucial effect on developing the relationship among friends. 你是想说明电视的好处吧，那么用a multitude of problems就不合适了，而still some 去修饰positive， 也是力度不够。可写成Although watching TV too much causes some problems, it has a multitude of positive and crucial effects on developing the relationship with friends.有关prison break的例子很好啊 for instance太低级了，换一个吧do a significant role in the family个人感觉用play更地道一些。在家庭中起着重要作用是什么意思呢？ We watch the TV show with laughing and eating the food which was cooked by mother. And we get some educational experience from the TV at the same time. I do love the moment, not only because the TV program is great, but also I stay with my family.
后面感觉有点简单了，尝试改写一下哈
Enjoying delicious food, we watched the TV show, from which I obtained various kinds of knowledge, in an cozy atmosphere full of laugh and jokes. It is a fantastic moment when I immersed myself in the inviting TV program and enjoyed a harmonious relationship with my family members.
I think although watching television may do some harm to people’s communication写成Although watching television, I think,  may do some harm to people’s communication最后应该是exerted吧，这个我不清楚

第二段改一下， 感觉不太顺畅
Due to the introduction of TV, people are capable to enjoy opportunities to get valuable information from various kinds of advertisements, such as fascinate costumes designed to meet the need of people’s growing desire for fashion, the latest and most functional technology devices such as mobile phones and iPod players, palatable potato chips and healthy drinks and the list will go on. So we can safely draw a conclusion that not only does the TV prompt the economy of a society, but also makes a higher living standard of people.

嗯 多谢宝贵意见 我早上写的太快 很多地方欠斟酌啊 呵呵 晚上回来在和大家讨论
事实证明, 作文不可以跟着感觉走啊 哈哈  果然写的很烂呵呵 竟然用了这么多do
写这篇文章才用了15分钟大家不要学我啊 文章要保证质量 大家使劲拍 使劲改 我晚上回来仔细看

谢谢宝贵意见 别忘给别人改啊
期待你的大作....我也要给你狠拍 哈哈

拍下8楼~~~有不对别打我啊
有些话可以少用逗号,尽量利用短语衔接组成长句,如第一句"Nowadays the television has been playing a significant role in people's lives , from which not only can we obtain the useful information ,but aquire the knowledge and entertainment as well.
第二段中"TV set appears within most family for development of econology"写成这样好些..."TV set comeing into most families is an inevitable result of the skyrocketing development of economics."
第三句没有谓语,"...survey showed that.."..."go to bed"..."...children are"
第二段挺好除了拼写的小错...整体挺不错(仅代表个人意见...)

呵呵短时间写出这样的文章还真不容易。
比较同意 13楼liaochen 的部分观点。

如Para2
`It is true that watching television too much do harmful with people’s relationships. It has becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history. Sometimes people prefer watching TV at home to hanging out with friends and our families.
头两句话放在一起前后逻辑不对。可以改为：Although TV has become one of the most......,watching too much time / Exposure ourself in the front of TV set reduce our time with family.....

个人例子给的太多了，导致文章的主观性太强。如花大篇幅写prison taking.
结尾力度不够，有种匆匆收场的感觉。

你改的第二段想要说明什么？是要说明现在媒体手段多吗？这样作为another supporting para并不能很好服务于文章中心。

意识到第二段问题进行修改,原文已改~~


First and foremost , it is the television makes the people's lives more wonderful and colorful. It is undeniable that television plays a paramount role in molding the attitude and behavior of people in modern society. Due to the introducation of the TV , people are capable to have opportunity to get the valuable information from advertisements , such as the fascinating costumes for the growing appetite of needs for fashion among young adult , the latest and most functional technology devices such as the mobile phones and iPod players , the palatable potato chips and fruitful drinks and the list will go on . In this way people can have more chance to exchange the various attitude towards the trend of stylist and fashion, discuss the experience of using the e-production and share feelings of attempting newly introduced snacks from advertisements on TV . As a result , we can safely draw a conclusion that not only do the TV prompts the economics of society , but also makes a higher living standard of people and enhance the communication among people.