小错误太多了，以后一定改正。那个dimensions是模板，还不是我写的，应该没有问题。in a half 属于胡编乱造，想表达看电视一半时间用来交流，想不出来了，就胡乱写上去了。谁能帮我改写一下就好了。
我向来不打女生，5.10考，我想还来得及。呵呵，谢谢你了

恩这就好了，大家作到互动了

小问题.......
我是9楼的,怎么没有人改我的,我没违反什么规定吧

我回来替你看看。

有时间的话也帮我看下呵
26# 谢了

回复9#

老师还没来 我给点建议呵
第3段also the best friend of mine that he used to be，is now not play games and watch film with me anymore which are the things we did usually for the reason that all he is focusing is which computer games should he choose, how could make his computer perform better or who he should talk to on the internet which is another major reason that people do not communicate by face-to-face
好象有点问题 我是这样写的 used to be my best friend
后半部分我也不知道怎么改  感觉有些混乱  不必写这长的句子吧？
还有例子2个都是个例  不太好`````
自己取决呵~~~

哦谢谢楼上的朋友,我是想第一先说TV给人们带来了讨论的话题而不是阻碍人们交流
第二说阻碍人们沟通的是电脑
不过最后发现结构没搞好。。。。。。

第一段应用比喻很好。
第二段technology devices 应改为technical devices/ digital devices
          这段明显不足在于没有前后照应，开了两个分论点。
     First and foremost , it is the television makes the people's lives more wonderful and colorful.
       As a result , we can safely draw a conclusion that not only do the TV prompts the economics of society , but also makes a higher living standard of people and enhance the communication among people.
后两段基本没什么问题。

第二段这句话不对：
time used to watch TV is constantly thought to be time-consuming
可以改为：watching TV is...........time-consuming.
第二段最后一句是原因，不应放在最后一句。
Therefore, time used to communicate instead of watching TV is beneficial not only for unionization within a family, but also helps children enjoy a healthy growth.
第三段给的Jack例子可以适当简写，因为ETS不喜欢individual example of a non-famous figure.
最后一段的语气明显和第一段your position语气强：
. Some people may still remain unconvinced, the reasons I have analyzed could at least make them more aware of various dimensions of the issue under discussion. In fact, it would be better if time occupied by TV programs could be used in a half to communicate with family members.
你的第一段是：
From my perspective, I totally agree with the latter idea.

第一段很简洁利落。
第二段这句话有问题：
First and foremost, intercourse among members of family become less due to television、
注意啦！！！intercourse不要随便用，你可以查查字典看看它还有什么意思，最好用interaction
........interactions among family members have become less than before due to spending more time on TV.
这句话是套用模板了吧？看和hustla的大同小异，不过没关系。
The above is a part of the picture, beisdes watching TV excessively is not only a time-consuming thing, but ruin friendship。

yoyo 注意字数问题，可以多写点。