嗯 不错但是要注意一点 一定不要让rater 有你在凑字数的感觉 要确实有内容 而不是空洞的用些句型

回复 52# 的帖子
好的
明白  多谢哈~~
我在新交的作文里试了下呵````

There is a fact we have to accept that the communication among people has been destroyed now. It’s an important and serious problem to our society and people are trying their best to find the reason. As a result, someone blames the crisis on television. However, in my opinion, the accretion is bias to some extent and my arguments for this point are as follows.
Firstly, watching television doesn’t occupy much time of people’s lives. In the modern world, people become busier and busier with their work. Although laws set the time one worker should work a week, people still have to use their leisure time to do part time work because of the loan of the house, car and so on. So, it’s hard for friends to have leisure time together. Clearly, the pressure from the high development society has a great negative impact on the interaction among friends and families.
Secondly, even though people were putting more and more time on watching television, it’s not the only factor that occupy people’s time. For example, in the recent years, all too often we observe that people, whatever adults or children, take a long time toward computers. They play online games, watch video online and so on. In a sense, people cannot live without internet. Moreover, there are also many things acting the same, like video game machines, PS2, PSP and so on. So, it’s not fair for us to ask the television to have all the responsibility for the problem of the communication among people.
Finally, there are several intangibles, like the huge change of the notion toward the world of people, the ways of socialization interaction. All in all, the reasons for the accretion that televisions have destroyed the communication among friends and families are not enough. In order to get the real murderer, we should analyze problem in a synthesize way.

of course没有结束，写作永无止境，只要你愿意写，我们也乐意看！

第一段头句：
There is a fact we have to accept that the communication among people has been destroyed now. 加上destroyed by spending our time in front of the television.

第一段最后一句：
Clearly, the pressure from the high development society has a great negative impact on the interaction among friends and families.
去掉

第二个分论点和第一个类似？
Secondly, even though people were putting more and more time on watching television, it’s not the only factor that occupy people’s time.这两个分论点不好，最好再考虑一下。

谢谢啦，现在开始积累了。正在酝酿下一篇~~

```唔``我也要发奋``写一篇```

太感动了~~有人帮我改作文了~~~

在托福的道路上大家齐心协力，这是我们共同的目标，也谢谢你们小马的支持！

According to a recent survey, about 87.9% families all over the world own one or even more televisions. Thus there is no doubt that television is playing a more and more crucial role in people’s lives and the influences that television brings to people cannot be neglected. In the opinions of some people, television makes their lives better. At the same time, we are, however, often told these days that television has destroyed the communication with family and friends. Yet is this really the case? From my point of view, it is too exaggerated to insist that television has destroyed people’s communications with others.
To begin with, television brings us more active information compared to that of the days when it had not been invented. Along with the improvement of society, television has been a type of mass medias for decades due to its less and less cost. Hence even lower class of society can obtain the same amount of information as the upper class through television. For instance, if both of them are looking forward to the information of culture of a same state, the rich can fly to that place immediately. Fortunately, the poor can also gain almost the same vivid information as the rich on television even though they do not have enough money to make a trip to that state. So you can see if television had not been invented, how much fun would have been not generated in people’s life.
Moreover, television creates a large number of topics that are argued widely and produces more opportunities of communication with others. Take cartoons which children like best on television for example, the pupils, as we all know, often discuss the characters of cartoon after classes. It is simple to make close friends with others who they are not very familiar with through hot talk about a same cartoon. Accordingly, it does not goes without saying that television brings more communication with family and friends who is more easier to find out interest in the same thing as a result of that they are so close and are entertained by almost the same programs.
To come to a conclusion, it is clear that television has not destroyed the communication with family and friends because it just pause the communication temporarily during the programs they are interested in and after that more communication would be generated by television.
努力中，麻烦大家了。