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Topic 20,big city or country,which is better for children to grow uo in ?
Having grown up in the countryside,I certainly hope our next generation can grow up in the city.Among various factors that countribute to the decisions of mine are the
two most
obvious ones.
It goes without saying that the sanitation and safety in the city are better than countryside.Children ‘s health is always put in the first palce.Just like the food condition,seldom are they worried about the malnutrition.Futhermore you can buy anything that you expects to find in the supermarket. Not to mention how elaborate they design!You can take some cheap vitamin compounds everyday to keep you children’s nurtrient balance.Owing to the hygienic system,children promote their immunity. And people dwelling in the city have higher qualities ,they are aware of responsible for others.It’s easier for chileren residing in the city get a good treatment when they get sick.Theye are many indoor exercise equipments in the gymnasium.there appereared to be so many children in this place to swim or play tennis,and it ‘s more secure for children to swim indoors.
Another important factor that attribute to my opinions is education.It’s undeniable that the education plays an increasingly important role in our society.growing uo in the cith ,the children can obtain reliable source of information and can widen their horizon and broaden their vision.there is no doubt that most of
our teachers yearn for city life in virtue of high salary and stable life.So in the city assemble most prominent and prestigious teachers.there are many channels for children to get enducated in the city to keep abreast of the modern life.such as The Internet,newspaper,magazinesand so on .On the contrary,countryside is a more obsturated.,it’s probable make you drop behind the world..For example,compare with two students accuraceof English pronunciation,you may find the children in the city
have downright merits.
However,Children living in the city ,with heavier pressure.also have some demerits than those who living in the rural.City life is so competitive,and intense,so children are compeled to learn extracurricula skills to become outstanding. Children dwelling in the rural needn’t suffer from about this.they have more relaxed childhood.
Anyways,the obvious benefits for children growing up in the city would outweigh the disadvantages.there is no perfect thing existing in the world.So on account of this we can find that it’s absolutely better for children growing up in the city.

Having grown up in the countryside,I certainly hope our next generation can grow up in the city.Among various factors that countribute to the decisions of mine are the
two most
obvious ones.
你这样写的主观性太强了，即个人感情色彩太重。

Anyways,the obvious benefits for children growing up in the city would outweigh the disadvantages.there is no perfect thing existing in the world.So on account of this we can find that it’s absolutely better for children growing up in the city.
最后一段写的客观，这就与你首段强硬的语气不太照应。

就结构而言，
supporting para1: the quality of sanitation and safty in city outweighs than in contry.
2 the education' s priority in the city
这两个论据是可以支撑论点的，但指出第一个论据中的几个小分论点需要合适的transitional words练接。futher more...用在那里觉得不太合适。

另外，一些语法错误注意：如
However,Children living in the city ,with heavier pressure.also have some demerits than those who living in the rural.

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