回复8#的帖子

谢谢建议呵~~
我用了WORD的 只是那个词没检出来
汗``````  改过来了
结构方面的建议很有道理~~~
我再改改!
那些口语表达可以帮我指正下吗?

[ 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-11 12:22 编辑 ]

写了一个小时，而且基本可以说是没法看，后来又一小时把原来的改得面目全非，=2hours！郁闷死我了，很想问问2楼的练了多久能40分钟写那么多？还是只是一直基础就好？还有，老师们，我还有2个月考试，还来的及吗？备受打击中。。。
Obviously, there always are problems if someone try to make important decisions. But everyone should learn to make decision, especially, in the modern society. It’s not to saying that parents or older relatives can help us sometimes rather than a life.

As an old saying that a person who can adapt the surrounding can survive which also can suit to modern society. The society needs a person who has himself ideas rather than doctrine. Parents who always decide all things fail to try to listen their children’s minds, gradually, which get rise to a new phenomenon of habitual reliance. In other word, when teenager suffer from problems that need to decide, even a little thing, these can make them fell afraid, hesitate, and even have no ideas but dependent on their parents or relatives and expect their help. Consequently, teenagers lost their abilities of thinking and deciding independence which not only give a bad influence on their study now, but on their work in future. My brother who worked for eight years still a common worker due to the lack of capacities of innovating and deciding by himself.

The above is a part of the picture, besides it can culture responsibilities of children that  teenagers decide  independently. According a recent survey that nowadays almost 80% children lack responsibilities, even 60% children fail to know what responsibility is. The survey indicates most children deem that there have no things that need them to be in charge of. Further more, it can hypothesis that there will be a day that teenager who become an adult either consider to support their parents as the same thing that have no associate with them. Therefore, it is a crucial that to make children are aware of responsibilities for their parents and society.

In modern society, most parents and older adult relatives are still under the illusion that they forever make decisions for their older teenage children not only can promote their children’s life, but protect them. If they can do without the dubious merits of improvement of their children’s life, they will swiftly find that to make important decisions in their children’s life play a prominent and beneficial role which not only can excise their children’s thinking method, but, more important, improve their responsible consciousness. Parents may, nevertheless, offer some advice that can improve the development of the thing for their children.

In a word, it has no deny saying that parents and older adult relatives are supposed to provide opportunities for their children to make important decisions.

[ 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-11 23:41 编辑 ]

回楼上的朋友,我是去年12月的时候考过一次了.........
不过当时把主要精力都放在听力上了,写作大概只练了8-9篇的样子
因为5月又要考,最近又练了4篇左右
虽然写的多但是水平不行啊................只是打字快一些而已



再回11楼的朋友,口语化的表达方面其实平时多看看一些优秀的习作然后再尝试在自己的作文中运用一下,几篇之后相信就会有显著的进步的,虽然我水平也不高,但是相信大多数人会同意我的观点

比如第2段的Just take myself as an example, when I was 18, it is time to choose a major for college.
改成When I was 18,for instance,I have to choose a major for my college.更简洁明了一些，而且更书面化。当然我只是举个例子，相信大家会有更好的表达方式。。。
第2段的because I know which area is my interesting area，改成because I know which areas I am interested in更书面一些

其实这位朋友最主要的问题还是表达方式太chinglish,很多句子老外看了会摸不着头脑
比如第一段and we also feel headache about our emotions，相信你是先想了中文句子再翻译的吧，我不是很清楚你本来的意思，只是猜测改成various problems make us sick更能表达你的意思
还有最后一句，英语一句话一般是不能同时出现Because和so的。。。。
第2段的 what is the dream we are chase for，改成what we are dreaming for更简洁明了

还有一些语法错误：
what is the dream we are chase for.
We will not living with parents
teenagers are have not got enough experience to make the perfect decision

总而言之，建议这位朋友多看看优秀的文章，还有多去国外的网站看看新闻评论之类的，会对你的表达和语法有帮助

[ 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:30 编辑 ]

开头比较新颖，很好的吸引了读者
第二段
Most fundamentally, the ability to be independent is crucial for the people especially the young (ones )who live in the modern big cities.
我觉得the young 就行了， ones没必要，    modern big cities 可以改成 metropolis
Teenage children are always intimidated by the critical decisions that may cause their huge failures, as well as are their parents.
这句话后面的 as well as are their parents  看不懂是什么意思，感觉有问题（可能是我水平比较次）
另外我觉得最后那个例子可以写一些Jenny现在因为过分依赖父母而遇到的困难，个人感觉这样会比把对比放在几十年后来得具体一些
第三段
big brother 可以改成 elder brother

个人拙见



[ 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-11 22:43 编辑 ]

水平比较次，麻烦大家了……

As to whether parents should make decisions for their older children, my opinion is that people should not make decisions for their children. This I support with the following reasons.

First and foremost, only children themselves exactly know what is they really interested in. Take finding a right major or a right job for instance. When I graduated from high school, I made my own decision about what I want to learn and even which profession I plan to engage in. And at the following four years I was really interested in my field, and spent a great deal of time on it. Now I find an enjoyable job. I become successfully in my education and work partly because my parents never made decision for me. Hardly can I imagine that my parents make decision for me. If they forced me to select a major what I have no interest, I would lead a miserable life in my university and can not find a suitable job. Since I would ceaselessly ask myself why I can not determine my future, why I can not do what I enjoy doing and why I can not. These can then cause me to become less inclined to study and work hard.

In addition, parents can not make decisions for their children forever. In the young, there is a justification to learn how to make a decision alone. Making decisions by themselves could help older children become independent. Some people might say that teenage children often lack of the experience and knowledge to make sound decision, but if children never try to make a decision by themselves, how could they obtain any experience and knowledge. Of course, ones will make mistake along the way. These mistakes are an important learning tool, which will help them become adults.

Admittedly, parents tend to want to give their children a paradise, if they had any, to lead a life easy and comfortable. And also sometimes parents could help children make a better decision for their social experience. However, making all important decisions for children may make their children weak and diffident. Giving children an opportunity to make vital decisions by themselves will better prepare them to stand on their own feet when they grow up.

[ 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-11 22:26 编辑 ]

开头前面用的都是第一人称，最后一句突然来个them感觉比较突兀，而且them前面也没出现指代对象

First and foremost, we own the decision, we know exactly what is the thing that we need and what is the dream we are chase for.
own 和know两个动词不能用逗号连接    are chase  be动词加动词原型

We will not living with parents, relatives forever, we are going to become an adult a few years later, and then to determine all kinds of things during the life, to handle complicated issues at work.
will 应该加原型live而不是living  我觉得把前半部分拆成一句独立的话会好一些  We will not live with our parents and relatives forever.

个人拙见，希望大家一起学习

第一次写，大家狠拍啊

Nowadays , there are more and more debates on whether parents should make important decision for 15-18 years old teenage .some people think parents should do it and they regard that children can not make a really right decision for their own life so the only result is they will fail .But other people argue that if we don't give any opportunity for children to make decision ,they will not be mature .we should let them make their decision and face the problem .Although maybe they will fail ,they also can learn more from it .For me ,I consider I will support the later one.

Firstly ,I think parents should give more support and opportunity for children in order to let them be mature .The statement children may fail if they make decision by themselves is very ridiculous .Because there is no body who can do anything successfully at the first time he does it . Every person should be given truth to try the thing they never do ,and as long as they just try to do it ,they can know how to do it .The most important thing is not the decision made by children is right or wrong but  what they learn from it . Through the lesson ,children will be more and more mature and they finally can make their right decision.

Moreover ,I think children should le how to live without parents' help .In fact ,parents can not help us in our whole life. One day ,if our parents die, who can give you any advice ? You should do all the things by yourself .Children can learn how to live independent through the process they make decision by themselves .The more chances their  parents offer ,the more they will learn from it.

The last ,but not the least ,is sometimes only the children themselves know their really situation and has idea to deal with it. Not all things parents can know well ,and sometimes problems like which university I should choose or which job I should take is not clear for parents .The personal real situation is just the person can know very well .At this time ,parents just can give some advice and if they make decision instead of their child, maybe they will make their children into a embarrassed  situation.

In a word ,I think teenage should make decision for their own ,and parents should never try to enforce children to take their advice and follow their decision. Every child should need and be given the opportunity ,and no one can deprive it .

[ 本帖最后由 derkaiser 于 2008-4-12 09:15 编辑 ]

恩开展的很好，前三天主要大家楼上楼下互拍！

在看前面几楼的作文，说下自己的看法（我还很菜，说的不对，大家见谅）

2#：
开头的例子似乎不是很好，如果换成15-18青少年的一些现象感觉会更贴合TOPIC
后面部分感觉都不错，第二个support点写的很不错角度挺好

3#
1、 this is an essential ability in our life，这里this 是指代自我做决定的能力还是指前文的我们有很多事要面对？感觉不是很清楚
2、we own the decision, we know exactly what is the thing that we need and what is the dream we are chase for
这里似乎缺连词了，不过偶们应该都看懂意思了。
3、 Concluded many articles in newspaper about college students are feel confused, doubtful, and helpless after they graduate from school.这里用concluded，不明白为什么能这样写，感觉直接写There are many aritcles in newspaper saying that .......可能好些。不清除了，错了的话见谅。
4、In my opinion, the parents’ decisions, exceeding care leads to that.
这观点写的不错，学习了

4#
1、第二段例子挺充实的，支撑的挺好。
2、While some people might enjoy their parents’ decision, but they would started to feel confused when parents do not help them any more.这里感觉不需要but吧，连词用重了

5#
楼主的作文样式跟我挺像的呵呵，感觉例子用的都很不错。不过论证的似乎力度还不够，能再加强写或许能更好

先歇会。。。。

回14楼的朋友,你说的几点都很有道理,as well as are their parents这一整句的意思是，青少年们害怕做那些会导致大挫折的决定，同时也是他们父母所担心的，和you are cute,as well as am I.的句式一样，只是我不确定我的表达是否正确


回19楼的朋友，第一段确定我也觉得欠考虑，只是当时想以一个现象提问来过渡到我的观点，结果不理想。。。。。。还是谢谢你指出来

[ 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-12 10:31 编辑 ]