[quote]原帖由 hys17 于 2008-4-11 19:43 发表
呵呵 辛苦这位仁兄了
多谢了~~
那些地方真是不妥
语法对我真是个问题.....一向不好
我会多多改进的~~~

回复 16#的帖子
开头那样确实欠妥当 当时想到了就写下来了
欠深思~~
我再改改  那几个语法错误很有道理
谢谢了~~

回复19#的帖子
谢谢这位朋友的建议哈
看来还有蛮多要改进的地方

我晚上回来仔细看看~~谢谢大家了

谢谢指出，那个but是多了。。有点习惯一说但是就写but...

more and more 太多人用了，可以换成 increasing   
还有I think 用得太多，可以尝试换成别的词

[ 本帖最后由 icenot 于 2008-4-12 22:43 编辑 ]

The society needs a person who has himself ideas rather than doctrine.
himself ideas 可以改成  his own ideas

第三段的数据论证很好，但是感觉写成lack of the ability to decide 比lack of responsibilities更贴近主题

not only ……but……用了三次  我感觉可以有点变化  比如not only……but also……   not only ……but ……as well 三个各用一次 （我的水平也想不出什么高级的替换）

个人愚见   希望共同学习

第一段：Here in our society goes a heated debate on the issue of whether it is an ideal way for parents make important decision for their children which has aroused a wide public concern.是不是应该改成“to make important decision？
I am fully convinced that sometimes the adolescent have to decide choice on their own.
觉得decide choice on their own有点别扭~~
第二段：First and foremost, the teenagers have already old enough to make their decision without the need of parents.
没看明白the need of parents，是不是写成the help of parents好些？

For example, young adults about 18 or 19 years old feel obliged to choose their future, whether to continue their acadamic careers in colleges or come into society to get their first job which is the first step towards the future life
1，感觉这用for example不太对，后面好像算不上是example
2，feel obliged to。首先obliged用ed不对，可以写成sometimes are obliged to
3，acadamic应该是academic

第三段：The above is only part of the picture , besides making important decision in life can help adolescents improve their ability to have better understanding of life
应该是only a part；their abilities；have an better understanding of life

第四段：What can we learn from this serious but prevailed phenomenon, is that nothing paramount can be compared with the opinion that students should make their own choice for growing up
what can we learn改成what we can learn
choice改成choices
for growing up是不是要表达象一个大人？如果是这个意思是，可以改成as growing-up

最后一段：the merits that the elders sometimes suggest their children with information and previous experience to let them have fully aspects of the choice
感觉这句不太好，但是水平有限不知道怎么改，呵呵
还有，楼主有很多小问题，很多地方落下介词，还有复述“s”

个人意见，互相学习，呵呵

网络出问题了~~

[ 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-12 23:55 编辑 ]

谢谢：）写的时候就觉得not only。。。but用的有点多了，但是想不出什么可以替换的~~有没有高手可以再多给几个可替换的？
今天天气真好啊

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
           
Parents or other adult relatives should make important   decisions for their  older (say 15-18 year-old) teenage children.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


When it comes to the problem whether parents or other relatives should make important decisions for their older teenager children, some people base on their argument on the ground that they disagree with this statement. Others however, agree with it. Personally, I would prefer to disagree with this statement because I believe this statement can’t bring beneficial for the older teenage children.

There are numerous reasons why I choose to disagree with it, and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones, first and foremost, the main reason is that making the important decision can make the teenage independently. It can be given a concrete example, when the children were young parents always help them to do everything especially making decision and the children also depend on their parents. While one day, the children will grow up they should have the ability to solve problem independently so the age of 15-18 is the best period for them to make their own decision.

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of disagreeing with this statement parents should give children more space and freedom to make the themselves determine their future. Take the case of thing that if the parents give enough space and freedom, the teenage can make the perfect decision because we all know that the age of 15-18 is the children are full imagination

Last but not least, apart from the points I made above there is a well known fashion all over the world that is making decision by the teenage themselves can increase the social experience and encourage for the teenage. This demonstrates the undeniable fact that as the children hide behead their parents for a long period time, so they lack the encouragement to solve problems or as a leader. Through the experience of making important decision, they can gradually learn how to conduct the relationship in the society.

Our list of contributor to their success in marriage life could go on, but the foregoing ones are already enough to give us a deep insight into this problem. As the teenage are too young to lack the experience in society so they can make some big mistake which maybe destroy the teenager’s life in the future so at that time parents should educate the children what is the right way they can run and also do the important decision for the children.

But if all factors are contemplated, it is no difficult to conclude that the disagreeing with this statement carry more weight than agreeing with it. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that giving more space and freedom to the children they can become more mature and success.

Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, " Young people should have their own pursuit." While, nowadays, people have take different attitudes towards the issue whether should our elderships make crucial determinations for us or not. As far as I'm concerned, parents could provide some constructive advices, but when their wishes differ from their children's will, they should respect the idea and support it. Therefore parents should let their children make the decision by themselves.

For starters, parents' decision may mislead the child. Every teenager has formed her/his particular thinking system since s/he was born even though it may be mature. Parents' counterview may enormously harm the children's enterprise. One of my friends Xiao Ming is a victim. He was talented in music since middle school. He wanted to pursue his music dream in the Central Conservatory of Music in China, while his family was strongly disagree with his choice. They made him study accounting, which they thought might bring him a stable life. Now every time I see Xiao Ming, he is downhearted. Several years later, there may be one more accountant and one less musician.

Also, only by the decision which people make by themselves, teenager won't regret it so that they can put heart  on it. Forrest Gump, the protagonist of the 1993 Hollywood blockbuster Forrest Gump, is born with an IQ of 75, which make him practically a retard. Without a father, Ms. Gump provides her son with a simple yet inspiring upbringing. When people of the town laugh at Gump, his mother tells him, "Don't let anybody tell you that they're better than you, you just do want you really want, then you will get it." Thanks to a dogged determination and an uncanny ability to concentrate on what he is doing without being distracted by the surroundings, also his mother's support, Gump achieves tremendous success in nearly every field he engages in.

To conclude, parents and other adult relatives should instruct their teenagers, and respect their decisions. Not merely make decisions for them. They would leave home some day; they should gradually be responsible for their choices. Just as the old saying goes, "To teach fishing is better than to give fish.

[ 本帖最后由 TSONG 于 2008-4-16 22:12 编辑 ]