太谢谢了，我写的逻辑确实有些乱，我会改进的~~~~

It is quite clear that decisions, as we know, are fairly crucial to one’s life because decisions make people go forward. At the same time, there is a serious controversy that whether critical decisions for their older teenage children should be made by others such as parents, other adult relatives. Some people believe that oneself should make one’s decision no matter how old the one is. However, others advocate that the children can’t make decisions for themselves because of their lack of experience. There is probably something true in both sides, yet as far as I am concerned, people should make their own decisions even if they are teenage children.

On one hand, the earlier a person makes decisions by himself, the earlier he can gain the ability of making the best decisions for himself. The time of becoming a good decision-maker is vital to one’s life. Accordingly to a recent survey, the older a man is, the more cost a man should pay for failure. That is too, although the person who is very young can’t make the best decision or even he gains failure as a consequence of a wrong decision, the cost of the failure is less because at that age of him, the decision he makes is less essential than that which is made when he becomes an adult. Thus, depending on the statements above, why do not people study the ability to make the best decision when the tuition of such study is low?

On the other hand, making determinations by oneself decrease the opportunities for him to complain others and be less responsible for himself. Take a classmate of mine, Jack, for example, Jack is a person who always follows the adults’ decision and complains to them once the decision made by the adults is identified as a determination that leads to a bad result. Nevertheless, sometimes it is perhaps an excuse, isn’t it? Maybe the not successful consequence is not come from a wrong determination but his laziness. And he would not try to find something wrong in himself but always try to attribute his failure to others who make decisions for him. In a word, if others are not willing to make decisions for their children, the children will make less complaint on others and more responsibilities to themselves.

Certainly, thanks to more experience of adults, they make better decisions than children because of good results. However, is this really the truth? Let me take one of my friend for example to confirm my point. Mary whose career was determined by her parents is now bored with her career as a doctor and not happy though she is very wealthy due to the career. Hence it is quite clear that a great result that the adults consider perhaps does not fit for the child’s interest and makes the child depressed.

Now, from what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at a conclusion that to make decisions by the older teenage children is essential to themselves due to the good impacts on them owing to making decisions by themselves.

7#的文章一直没人批啊.... 希望没有影响你写作的积极性啊
总体还是分厂不错的, 错误很少, 正反两方面论证, 7#还是颇下功夫的
首先开头, 个人感觉字数有点多, 有点罗嗦, 我觉得应该消减一下把字数分给3,4段把你详写的部分再厚实一些.(but 和 on the other hand重复)  我在楼下将戴云老师写的这个topic的开头分享给大家, 你可以借鉴一下.
第二段 我个人认为第二段, 和倒数第二段可以合并, 都是让步一下, 来使问题分析更为全面, 文章更有逻辑. 但是7#要尽量主次分明, 我认为你详写的两段不够详细. 比如chairman mao 的例子, 只说了mao自己做了决定然后成功了, 什么决定 give more detail 详写的地方一定要论证充分.希望我抛砖引玉能对你有所启发

[ 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-4-16 01:46 编辑 ]

文章很好啊,  我很喜欢你的写作风格, 可能是我们的方格差不多吧
所以很抱歉没拍出缺点来
有一点, 觉得例子personal experence多了些 第二段最好加个名人的例子
想了半天觉得在光绪帝小的时候, 慈禧太后垂帘听政的例子很贴切, 可是不太好写, "垂帘听政"我想了半天也没有什么好句子来翻译, 表达起来总是感觉别扭, 中国的成语还是博大精深啊  不知其它小马们有什么高见

首先, 文章的topic应该是4月3日发放的, 应该把贴子发到这里
http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-11128-1-1.html 方便大家一起学习
文章单词拼写错误实在太多, 比如towm worng televisio  otherone  significantce  presum infurence.... 希望以后先用word纠错后再发上来, 也方便别人给你批改, 大家就可以集中注意力看你其它方面, 而不是检查单词拼写错误的问题上.
其次, 文章字数不够, 病句也很多
Through  watching  TV , people  who  acquire
more  information , and  people  possess  more  topics  to  talk  about .
应该为 people  who  acquire more  information by watching TV can obtain more topics to talk about
we  must  be  admission  watching  TV  is  a  primary  part  of  our
daily  life  应该为
we must admit watching TV has been one primary part in our daily life
望仔细检查一下, 再去看看大家都是怎么写的, 扩充一下, 发到
http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-11128-1-1.html
我们再帮你看.

这么好的文章怎么没人拍啊!  我来吧!
一看第一句, 第一个单词就知道是S.Y的学生, 倍感亲切啊!!
第一段, 第二行While nowadays, people........ 改为while, nowadays, people 文章确实有些跑题, 主要是文章在几个关键的地方切题做的不够好. 稍微改一下就ok了. 第一段最后加上 Therefore parents should let their children make the decision by themselves.(点题!切题!)
第二段第一句: Only by the decision which people make by themselves, teenager......
第三段同理, 往题上考, 此文章的topic不是 Should parents support their children's decision?因此把第三段的 topic sentence换掉  Gump的例子还是不错的正好和第二段的例子呼应, 一正一反说明你的idea
第三段 people in the town 改为 people of the town 或 people who live in this town
文章字数少了点建议在家一段反面观点的, 可以参照其它小马们的文章

很多小马们的开头写的都不是很好, 很赘述, 我们看看戴云教主是如何开头的

According to a recent statistic on the internet, the number of single-child family occupies 75 percent of Chinese families, and undoubtedly has the tendency of increasing. It follows that parents of other adult relatives may likely pay more attention to their children, for the reason that the energy of parents has been saved a lot compared to those who own several children. Some people insist on making decisions for their children, considering that they are too young to judge. However, others believe that there is hardly any necessity to help so that children will cultivate the capability of analyzing inportant problems. From my perspective, I completely agree with the latter idea.

注意文章的是如何利用recent statistic on the internet引出自己的观点的



[ 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-4-16 03:48 编辑 ]

谢谢你了  哈哈  终于有点信心了  原来完全没信心的  我也觉得我却名人的例子  可是脑子里的东西是在不多  看来以后得补一下了

呵呵, 谢谢,  这两天看了戴云教主的2-1型, 正好是您给我提出的问题, 应该把第二段和倒数第二段合并, 作为一个整体的第四段. 非常感谢!

是第一次发文章哪，下个月就考……拜托大家多指教了！！

There is a controversial statement about the topic that whether parents or relatives should make critical decisions for the teenagers whose ages range from fifteen to eighteen. Some people believe that parents’ ideas about choices may be the ones that always seem to be right since they have gone through far more circumstances and obtained more experiences than their children and thus they make better decisions when come across several problems. However, on the other hand, the others’ opinion which I am agree with shows that people should quit the habit of relying on other family members to help them make decisions when they have grown old enough.

Firstly, the reason why teenagers should decide what they want to have or quit is that people can acquire sense of responsible from the process of decision making. When people are still young children, parents tend to do everything for their children and plot perfect blueprints in their mind, which should close to an end once the children have become mentally mature, because there is a tendency in some teenagers that they incline to keep depending on parents. Encouraging them to make decision themselves can motivate the sense of being adults, which leads to direct realization of responsibility to future career. What’s more, it is convinced that with the decision made by teenagers themselves, they appear to be more active in the following action to support that what they have decided is right, thus more efforts will be taken.

Secondly, making decision itself is a process of gaining experience. It may approve to be a hard work when teenagers make their first serious decisions especially the ones that will influence their later careers. However, no matter whether the consequences of decisions are ideal or not, teenagers will conclude the gain and pay in the decision-making process and tend to perform better in the next decisions. Sometimes, though an immature decision may cause serious problems later, teenagers can learn from the failure and get stronger from the frustration.

It is undeniable that parents help a lot when their teenagers try to make decision. Parents can provide their enormous experiences and analyze the possible outcomings of a certain decision. Whereas, all these are ought to be completed with the participation of the teenager and avoid monopolizing the final decision just as what happened when the children are still young.

All in all, it is the teenagers that will be responsible to their future careers. Consequently, senses of responsibility have to be developed early in human life, at the same time, sufficient experiences of making both successful decisions and the ones that are not very sound may be earned. Certainly, the importance of sharing experience with parents cannot be omitted.