谢谢啦～今晚再改改～

Para2
sense of responsible 改为 a sense of responsibity

When people are still young children, parents tend to do everything for their children and plot perfect blueprints in their mind, which should close to an end once the children have become mentally mature, because there is a tendency in some teenagers that they incline to keep depending on parents.
这个长句应该拆分使逻辑性更强，而并非一味为写长句而写长句：
When people are still young children, parents tend to do everything for their children and plot perfect blueprints in their mind. However, they should let their children make decision for their own once the children have become mentally mature, because there is a tendency in some teenagers that they incline to keep depending on parents.

第三段最后一句
Sometimes, though an immature decision may cause serious problems later, teenagers can learn from the failure and get stronger from the frustration.
可以把这句再具体到一个例子。

版主看看9#,提供宝贵意见谢谢

谢过班主任的宝贵意见！
总觉得写一篇东西要好长时间呀……怕考试的时候来不及呢。
而且试过总结模板，可是貌似自己当场需要写的东西还是很多。
完全不同话题的题目能否总结出固定的模板呢？

52楼写的真的很好，是学习的楷模

麻烦版版看看47楼的文章，谢啦

总体看来写的可以，论据翔实，条理清楚，句子也注意了多样性。指出一处明显错误
The above is only part of the picture , besides making important decision in life can help adolescents improve their ability to have better understanding of life .
besides换成and,两个句子在一起要有连接词。

不同类型的作文有不同的模板，如果你需要总结，那就根据四类去总结吧。如我们现在练的有观点对比型，支持否定型，问题分析型。
实际考试时还是以你写作内容为关键，不要被模板束缚。

你写的也可以，开头以一个小故事引入。
对于make decision可换成decide sth for sb,make choice/ choose from options, up to sb and so on

when well-considering the beneficial and detrimental aspects of this behavior, contrary to the choices of these parents is my sincere assent with the stand that children between 15 to18 years old should make their own decisions as soon as possible.

contrary to the choices of these parents 改为contrary to the choices made by their parents....

12楼的文章，各位谁能帮忙看下，谢谢！等了好几天了，呜呜
Obviously, there always are problems if someone try to make important decisions. But everyone should learn to make decision, especially, in the modern society. It’s not to saying that parents or older relatives can help us sometimes rather than a life.

As an old saying that a person who can adapt the surrounding can survive which also can suit to modern society. The society needs a person who has himself ideas rather than doctrine. Parents who always decide all things fail to try to listen their children’s minds, gradually, which get rise to a new phenomenon of habitual reliance. In other word, when teenager suffer from problems that need to decide, even a little thing, these can make them fell afraid, hesitate, and even have no ideas but dependent on their parents or relatives and expect their help. Consequently, teenagers lost their abilities of thinking and deciding independence which not only give a bad influence on their study now, but on their work in future. My brother who worked for eight years still a common worker due to the lack of capacities of innovating and deciding by himself.

The above is a part of the picture, besides it can culture responsibilities of children that  teenagers decide  independently. According a recent survey that nowadays almost 80% children lack responsibilities, even 60% children fail to know what responsibility is. The survey indicates most children deem that there have no things that need them to be in charge of. Further more, it can hypothesis that there will be a day that teenager who become an adult either consider to support their parents as the same thing that have no associate with them. Therefore, it is a crucial that to make children are aware of responsibilities for their parents and society.

In modern society, most parents and older adult relatives are still under the illusion that they forever make decisions for their older teenage children not only can promote their children’s life, but protect them. If they can do without the dubious merits of improvement of their children’s life, they will swiftly find that to make important decisions in their children’s life play a prominent and beneficial role which not only can excise their children’s thinking method, but, more important, improve their responsible consciousness. Parents may, nevertheless, offer some advice that can improve the development of the thing for their children.

In a word, it has no deny saying that parents and older adult relatives are supposed to provide opportunities for their children to make important decisions.