回复6#........
居然和我一样.........
哈哈

diplomatic affairs and communications with western countries also are mystery to me
觉得MYSTERY不妥 fascinated好些吧
第2段第一句 可能用during the period of 更好
经济实力说OUTWEIGHT不好吧?
居然第三段和我.....
I had learned a number of their poets from the beginning of my schooling
学是学的poem   at the beginning
写得不错呵~~~

[ 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-18 12:01 编辑 ]

大家都好快...我占楼,明天贴来...

感谢7楼和10楼的2位朋友的指点,确实有这些问题
关于那一句我也不确定表达是否正确,只是用了从句套从句的形式,可能有些混乱,以后会注意
1战的时候写文章的时间就很紧,这次担心还是不够,练习的时候就已经很紧张了

感谢小小蝎和pystupid同学的点评~
又小小修改了一下
红色是改动过的地方，绿色是不确定的表达


Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, " People should learn from the past." If I had the chance to go back to the past, I would love to go the 1960's China, where the people were undergoing a tough time, the Civil Revolution.

For starters, by experiencing the special circumstance, everyone would cherish the opportunity to further his/her education more. The story told by my mother about her dream as a youth was a stimulant. Here goes the story. The Civil Revolution was started in 1966, when my mother was yet a kid. Ten years later, the political movement was still continuing, while my mother had become a high school student with a dream of becoming a doctor. She was eager to be enrolled by a medical university so that she can realize her dream. Unfortunately, the higher education system was abolished during the revolution. There was no access for the students liked my mother who had a clear goal to pursue their dreams. Having no other way, she took a job in a refrigerator factory as a worker after graduation to maintain a living. After hearing the story, I came up with a strong will to go back to that time, not only to watch the people's living status with my own eyes, but also let the scene to motivate myself. I believe each student of today who have the experience of the Civil Revolution would cherish their opportunity to advance their education more.

Besides, a person who had suffered from this period of time would treasure the liberty of speech. When came to the word of the Civil Revolution, there would rise a feeling of terror by the people who had experienced the Revolution, since people can't say everything they wanted to whether it was right or wrong. People might be put into jail because of some controversial sayings. Even the couples disclosed each other to show their blamelessness. I want to ask," Where is the love?" Therefore, people would recognize the essentiality after they once have lost the right to speak.

From what have been mentioned above, it can be briefly summed up as follows. Going back to the Civil Revolution is not just a kind of exciting experience, more important, it's a great chance to learn from the past. We learn from the right once we lost so that we cherish want we now have more. We learn from the wrongdoing so that we won't do it wrong again.
                                                                                      
                                                                                                                 426

原稿：
Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, " People should learn from the past." If I had the chance to go back to the past, I would love to go the 1960's China, where the people were undergoing a tough time, the Civil Revolution.

For starters, the desire of going back to this period of time was just stimulated by a story told by my mother about her dream as a youth. Here goes the story. The Civil Revolution was started in 1966, when my mother was yet a kid. Ten years later, the political movement was still continuing, while my mother had become a high school student with a dream of becoming a doctor. She was eager to be enrolled by a medical university so that she can realize her dream. Unfortunately, the higher education system was abolished during the revolution. There was no access for my mother to pursue her dream. Having no other way, she took a job in a refrigerator factory as a worker after graduation to maintain a living. After hearing the story, I came up with a strong will to go back to that time, not only to watch the people's living status by my own eyes, but also let the scene to motivate myself. I believe each student of today who have the experience of the Civil Revolution would cherish their opportunity to advance their education more.

Besides, a person who had suffered from this period of time would treasure the liberty of speech. When came to the word of the Civil Revolution, there would rise a feeling of terror by the people who had experienced the Revolution, since people can't say everything they wanted to whatever it was right or wrong. People might be put into jail because of some controversial sayings. Even the couples disclosed each other to show their blamelessness. I want to ask," Where is the love?" Therefore, people would recognize the essentiality after they once lose the right to speak.

From what have been mentioned above, it can be briefly summed up as follows. Going back to the Civil Revolution is not just a kind of exciting experience, more important, it's a great chance to learn from the past. We learn from the right once we lost so that we cherish want we now have more. We learn from the wrongdoing so that we won't do it wrong again.
                              
                                                                                                                                    413

[ 本帖最后由 TSONG 于 2008-4-23 21:58 编辑 ]

同学你的习惯真好，学完自己改与不改有很大区别，呵呵
简单说说吧
1段：If I had a chance to return to some time and somewhere past, I would like to go to Tang Dynasty of China. I have admired its glorious history for quite a long time and been attracted by both its solid economic strength and abundant cultural results.
       I would like to go to Tang Dynasty of China because that was a time of glory and a great empire which had a most prosperous economy and a cultural of divercity at their time.
  
If I was given an opportunity to go back, I would take this opportunity to figure out all the subjects that I am concerned about.

If I was given an opportunity to go back, I will take this opportunity to explore all the mystery that I'm longing for.


2段：
I will ask the emperor Lishimin directly concerning the methods of governing such a large country and consult him about his insight of the essence of economic development.
         
I will ask the emperor Lishimin face to face about his expertise in governing such a huge country.
3段：schooling: education  
        inplying meanings:  deep meanings
As a consequence, if I could encounter with them, I will grasp the precious chance to handle all the issues above.

Therefore, I'm certainly going to make friends with and ask all my questions to them if I got the precious chance to travel back then.
4段：I have known that there are quite a number of
    there were
    prosper ： prospererity       welfare 用的非常好呵呵
   another explanation: some inspiring ideas
5段：revisit： visit
        occasion: chance
      第二句话末尾加个by my own eyes 会更好点
  
I believe my trip would be valuable and unforgettable.
I believe my trip will be a amazing memory forever

我觉得6楼T友努力使用现在时的习惯非常好，就是少查点词，多用自己会用的，那会更好

Sometimes we're lucky enought to know that our lives have been changed through discarding the old and embracing the new. It happend to us. But a bigger issue is that what we have lost in the process? In the night, I have been haunted by the memories of my hometown. I really hope that I would be able to go back there, a small but beautiful village.

Now, let me tell you firstly about the pictureque views and the enjoyable surroundings. As the spring comes, the fresh  breeze comes gently to  your face, with the frangrance  of tender grass. In summer, all the willows exuberate and and all the flowers are in blooms. When autumn visits, the stream is as clear as the crystal, and all the crops are waiting for harvest . When the winter falls, the villages is covered with  snow, and bears the footprints left by  people in cotton-padded coat. The whole village is filled with Peace and quietness. That's it and no way for more .

Let me tell you, next, that is people in my hometown are all simple and friendly. Happiness is the main topic in there. There's no competition, no suspicion. They have sought love, peace. Even though they havn't so much money, they do some works in farmyard and feed chickens,darks and many other fowls. They eat the nature food. Obriously, they're more physical healthy.  

Most importantly. To me, my hometown always gives me most important lessons, and perhaps gives all of us. Let's stop and think. How is our lives going? We have higher buildings and widder highways, but shorter temperaments and narrow love. We have more medicines, but less health. We have higher incomes, we spent more, but enjoy less. What is valuable about our earth is not the land which we can emplorder, not the trees which we can remove. What valuable is the relationships from which comes the real value of the people with the enviroment in there. We shoule believe that we can develop the human ecosystem into as harmonious a system as we can find in there.

To sum it up, if I have a chance to go back to a place that must be my hometown. Not only due to the attracting views, but also the spirit what I would be able to know. I believe that all of these can help me relax and relieve the pressure from the work and study.
希望大家可以多多帮我批改，半个小时觉得时间好紧张，思维总是定格在一处。还有请有经验的人给我些意见，因为之前一直在准备其他考试，还有夸选学校的课程，所以没有时间复习，并不太了解托福的难度。4月27号考试，这个是我正式写的第二篇作文，现在请了10天假全天准备考试，只买了OG 和BARON'S ，以前没有仔细阅读过这个网站，现在发现这里很多厉害的人，值得学习。想听听大家的意见，剩下这一周多的时间我该怎么复习呢？谢谢大家。

我只会用简单句，看你们都写这么复杂的句子煞是羡慕。不求高分够用就行
If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? The answer to this question differs from individual to individual. As for me, I would decide to go back to Unite State during 1809 to 1865, because I could experience the civil war. Further, maybe I had a chance to meet my idol, Abraham Lincoln.

There are many reasons why I admire Lincoln most, I will explain some important ones. The main reason is that Lincoln led the civil war in order to emancipate the slaves. Before the Civil War, the laws in the south of the America permitted the white farm owner to have the black people, but totally violated the human rights of black people, were unjust laws and must be resisted, therefore, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, led the Union during the civil War to destroy the unjust laws in the south of the America and liberated. It is very important moment for black people to improve human right. Lincoln not only emancipated slaves, but pushed the democracy to reach new level.

The other reason is that Lincoln was diligent. Although he almost did not attend the school in his childhood, he still achieved great success. All the achievements are due to his spirits of diligence and persistence. It is very hard to think that a person who did not receive the education would become president of Unite State. He set a good example to indicate that persistence and hard work will make prefect. His spirits often encourage me when I meet the difficulties.

In addition, The further reason why I admired Lincoln most is that he was the honest person. When he worked in the shop, a customer paid more some cents. Lincoln chased the customer for several miles in order to refund these cents to the customer. I can safely bet that almost no one can run several miles for some cents as Lincoln did.   

To sum up, Lincoln was person who had so many good qualities. I just explain three qualities of Lincoln. For these reasons, that is why I regard Lincoln as person I admire most.

把最后一段自己改下这句“if I have a chance to go back to a place that must be my hometown”改成“I have gladly go back again if the chance were offered me." 谢谢

版版这么认真的改偶的文章，真的是受宠若惊，以后一定更好努力写，已经把版版的话一字不差的DOWN下来了，回去好好研究

Sincerely appreciate your quick  and kind-hearted reply!

Movies invovles spanning arcoss the time and place is not rare in this modern world. A glance at these fatansy films would provokes our imagination and deisre to go back to some time and place in the past. If I can could travel back whatever time and wherever place, I would like to come back to Vienna when Sigmund Freud was doing his studying for the depth psychology for the following reasons.

First of all, the academic spirit of Sigmund Freud really attracts me a lot. Sigmund Freud, who was a Jew, was one of the depth psychologic launchers. The braveness and brightness of him to bring forward this kind of theory in that particular time was admired by many people who have read his books. I was curious about how he could put all his energy on his study and how he could endure so much pressure from people around, especially one of his best teacher who was a professor of high prestige. Maybe the answers to these questions are able to help me study better and give me a lot of drive to study some knowledge that are not so useful in others' eyes.

In the second place,  a lot of vital inspiration may be obtained from Sigmund Freud because he was one of the most famous psychologcists. Sometimes, we would have some difficulty in our study and research. Sometimes, we may have some troubles with our friends and parents. If I could get some help from him, maybe we can find the right problems and solve them successfully. It is widely accepted that another people who is intelligent can illumine some new ideas which are very imporatnt for us. Hence, a tour back to that time and place would benefit me a lot.

Finally, Vienna, as an ancient hometown for music and a beautiful metropolis, activize me much imagination and curiousty. Does this musical environment has an impact on a person's psysical and mental development? Does this atmosphere has any influence on Sigmund Freud? Does this situation creat this immortal giant? These quesion have been on my mind for a long time. If I could come back to that time, maybe I could find the answers I want.

In a word, traveling back to Vienna and at that special period can provide me a good chance to know something about Sigmund Freud and can offer me an opportunity to accquire some information about my study. I am fully convinced that this would be an exciting trip.