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初稿,哪位牛人给改改阿~

初稿,哪位牛人给改改阿~

If I could go back to some time and place in the past , I may choose last summer vacation ,in Britain. That summer ,Frank ,my friend who is a professor of law in Cambridge university ,invited me to his collage to have a cooperation on a study of Chinese common law .we had a unforgettable periods there ,a very happy time.

        His university is in a small town ,named Cambridge ,located in Britain .I like this small town because it has a very charming ocean view .I mean the sky there is so blue and the beach is always full of sunshine .Frank and me both like the beach ,In our spare time, we just dance ,sing, discuss our research prepare the materials there when the sun is setting down ,when the ocean breeze is blowing and the sea birds are singing ,how romantic it can be !
  It is the first time I have such a leisure time abroad I can deeply touch and feel the British daily life .culturally speaking……..            And the trip had widen my horizon and enlarge my knowledge
   Last but not least ,when the trip end ,Frank and I got to know each other deeply .our friendship have gone to a new high level.
   In  conclusion last summer I had a good time in  Britain  I will never forget there charming ocean view ,the noble life style, and Frank’s good friendship If I could ,I would choose to go back



那位牛人给改改~谢拉~兄弟我5。10 ,现在恐慌中。。。。。

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回复 1# 的帖子

第一段, I might choose 不是may  an unforgetable period 不是 a unforgettable periods
第二段, In our spare time, we just dance ,sing, discuss our research prepare the materials there when the sun is setting down ,when the ocean breeze is blowing and the sea birds are singing ,how romantic it can be !
整句应用过去式
It is the first time I have such a leisure time abroad I can deeply touch and feel the British daily life .culturally speaking……..            And the trip had widen my horizon and enlarge my knowledge
第一个have 用had      abroad后面用and I could ... can应改为could ,life 后面用逗号    enlarge 改为enlarged

Last but not least ,when the trip end ,Frank and I got to know each other deeply .our friendship have gone to a new high level.这句end>ended  然后end 后面没空格,应该直接逗号再空格。文中有很多这种情况,注意一下。
our >Our    然后是has gone to a new high level 不是have

In  conclusion last summer I had a good time in  Britain  I will never forget there charming ocean view ,the noble life style, and Frank’s good friendship If I could ,I would choose to go back 这段Britain后面加and 或者用句号
然后there 换成the      friendship后面用句号    back 后面要加to Britain

好了,文中的错误基本找出来的,但还需继续努力,逻辑,语法,句式多样性,词汇还都有待强化,尤其要注意自己的标点符号,T的作文中是容不得有这么些标点错误的,可能和高中作文不同。还有,T的文章一般是要先提出观点或想法,然后下面分段阐述,每段要直接支持第一段的观点,最后总结,这才是很正规的T作文
比如这篇文章,开始说要去Britan后面就应该分段写Britain 的不同特点让你为什么要回去

继续努力吧,会越来越熟练的,加油,我看好你呦~~

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真的很感谢你!我只是昨晚试着发发看,没想到中午就改好了,你真的很耐心很认真,谢谢!

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回复 3# 的帖子

客气,毕竟是刚开始备考的,帮助一下应该的,互相促进嘛~~

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人生不过是借来的一段时光,请轻松和有效率的体验吧 。我还能说什么

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改下我的 谢谢
人生不过是借来的一段时光,请轻松和有效率的体验吧 。我还能说什么

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发现写作  课堂不积极
人生不过是借来的一段时光,请轻松和有效率的体验吧 。我还能说什么

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回复 7# 的帖子

我认为crown做的就很好,积极是需要大家的互改。我们版主也在反思这个问题。

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回复 4# 的帖子

谢谢Crown  我会把这篇再认真地改改的!说来惭愧,我已经备考一个多月了,只是才开始看作文而已,还有十几天就考了。。。确实比较着慌

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回复 9# 的帖子

别担心,要记住,不是你在考试,所有小马们都在你的身后支持你~~~

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