A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

改后看着倒是顺眼多了，可考试的时候哪有这么多时间改啊，郁闷，大家帮偶看看吧，先谢过！
修改稿：
改了 50分钟
Recently, it has been reported that a company in our city dumped numerous solid wastes into farm lands nearby and discharged untreated water into the river that is essential to provide drinking water for all the citizens. Such behavior, indeed, will bring several side effects to the fame of the company. As a consequence, this company is planning to offer some financial support either to arts or to environment as compensation and appealing to all the inhabitants in this city for recommendation.

As a responsible company, it is its duty that protects the endangered environment because surrounding environment is related to all the people and concerned by folks in every walk of life. Nowadays since the number of factories built in cities and of cars brought by a number of ordinary people is increasing in an amazing speed, air condition becomes worse than before. What is more, with the extinction of some endangered spices, ecological balance is threatened. And all these dramatic changes will bring huge influence to everyone’s life. Thus, a responsible company is supposed to do something valuable to alter this situation.

Besides the responsibility, if a company provides some financial support to improve environmental condition, it is conducive to the advancement of the company itself, both from social and economic aspects. For instance, advertisement can be utilized to propagate its public welfare activity. And perhaps after reading this piece of advertisement, the bad impression which previously has been formed will disappear. In addition, some young graduates, human resources also, would like to join in such a team which is full of social responsibility.

Another significant reason for a company to support the environment not the arts is that a charming environment is able to provide attractive landscapes for painters to draw pictures. On the contrary, if a painter lives in an uncomfortable condition, facing lakes contaminated by foul water and smelling heavy smoke released from factories and cars, it is unimaginable that s/he has any inspiration to complete an excellent work.

From my point of view, a company which prepares to provide some services to our community should vote for the environmental cause, because it is not only the duty of a responsible entity, but will in turn bring some social and economic benefits to the company and promote the development of art as well.
改后388字




原稿：
40分钟376字
Recently, it has been reported that a company in our city dumped numerous solid wastes into farm lands nearby and dispersed untreated water into rivers that is essential to provide drinking water for all the citizens in this city. Such behavior, indeed, will bring several side effects to the fame of the company. As a consequence, this company will offer some financial support to either arts or environment as a compensation and appeal to all the inhabitants in this city for recommendation.

As a responsible company, it is its duty that protects the endangered environment because surrounding environment related to all the people and is concerned by the whole forks which in fact include the staff of the company. Nowadays since the number of factories built in cities and of cars brought by a number of ordinary people is increasing in an amazing speed, air condition becomes worse than before. What is more, with the extinction of some endangered spices, ecological balance is threatened. And all these dramatic changes will bring huge influence to people's life. Thus, a responsible company is supposed to do something valuable to alternate this situation.

Besides the responsibility, considering the social effects that supporting environment will bring, a company should undoubtedly take some economic measures. For instance, advertisement is the vital approach can be utilized to propagate their welfare activity. Perhaps after reading this piece of advertisement, the bad impression which previously has been formed will disappear. In addition, some young graduates would like to join such a team that is full of social responsibility.

Another significant reason for a company to support the environment not art is that a good environment is able to provide wonderful landscapes for painters to draw pictures. To the contrary, if a painter is living in an awful condition, facing dirty lake and smelling smokes dispersed by factories, it is unimaginable that s/he has any inspiration to complete an excellent drawing.

From my point of view, a company which plans to provide some service to the community should vote for the environmental cause, because it is not only the duty of a responsible entity, but that will in turn bring some social even economic effects back and promote the development of art as well.

大概看了一遍 因为快要考试了 也没有仔细地改 呵呵
不过lz这种开头的方式不冒险么？ 整段都在叙述一个公司的情况 却没有指明你的观点 我觉得开头就该说清楚你的立场 就算是要铺陈 也不能忘本了 呵呵
还有就是感觉修改过的全都是长句 应该有些短句点缀吧 这样子才有节奏感 文章读起来才没有那么费劲
不过整体还是不错的 加油！！！ 上面是我的第一印象 仅供参考 lz表灰心就是了

原来听戴云老师的课的时候，他建议用例子做开头，但不知是我用的不好还是最好不要用例子，用后总感觉怪怪的，大家觉得要不要用呢？