回复 8# 的帖子
In modern society, with the growth of economy, the rhythm of life is also increases.
In modern society, with the growth of economy, the rhythm of life is also increasing,
之后一句的80% people of what?全部人口？有点多了吧。如果是占所有受快速生活压抑的人群的80%那就应该是80% of people who.......之后还少一句，这80%怎么样了
I’m inclination to an unhurried pace of life.
I’m inclining to an unhurried pace of life.
As long as we slow down, we will possess a more lovely and healthy life.
As long as we slow down, we will possess a more lovely and healthier life.
However, to roam in the street, nowadays, you will find that everybody who has twisted eyebrows and walks in haste seems to be busies to doing some significant things, whereas, in fact, there has no thing that they must to do, which is a common phenomenon in modern life.
busies-busy,形容词。to doing-to do.no thing-nothing.However与whereas能否同时使用，不确定~
People under the symptom show that invariably keep in a nervous situation
People under the symptom show that invariably keeping in a nervous situation
that result in an illness which displays the sleepless,
results,后面的逗号可以省略
to startle to wake up by a nightmare
to startle by waking up by a nightmare
consisted in young people who afford lots of pressure than the elders.
consisted in young people who afford much more pressure than the elders.
According to a psychologist’s research, the number of youth who suffer from the illness for the pressure caused by the gradually growing of rhythm of life is increasing at a speed to add ten percent every year.
the number of youth who are suffered from the illness which came from the pressure,
is increasing at a speed to add ten percent every year.前面加个逗号，to add-which is adding
And in the article, the researcher indicated that the function of immune system of those people who under the state will be reduced to defend them from bacteria, resulting in getting them into illness.
researchers~
who are under the state
reduced from defending them.....
This is a part of the picture, besides the efficiency of working will be enhanced with a moderate pace.
This is only one part of the picture, besides,the efficiency of working will be enhanced with a moderated pace.
When feel tired, we can go out to picnic, climb mountain, or just roam to breathe fresh air with friends in weekend which will take us a good mood and situation in Monday’s working.
When feeling tired, we can go out to picnic, climb mountain, or just roam to breathe fresh air with friends at weekend which will bring us a good mood and situation on Monday’s working.
In contract, people to work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.
In contract, people who work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.
But the conclusion gained with a short time often companies with a number of mistakes that might be give rise to numerous problems for a fatigue that caused by keeping working consistently in a nervous state.
But the conclusion gained with a short time often companies with a number of mistakes that might give rise to numerous problems for a fatigue that caused by keeping working consistently in a nervous state.
Moreover, no one will deny that the aim of everyone came into the world is enjoy and feel the life which always superior to the work.
Moreover, no one will deny the fact that the aim of everyone for coming into the world is to enjoy and to feel the life which is always superior to the work.
Under the circumstance of pressure constantly will have no benefit to people except sleepless and eternal pressure.
Under the circumstance,the pressure constantly will have no benefits to people except sleepless and eternal pressure.
建议这位朋友在没有掌握之前，尤其是在考试的时候尽量不要尝试用这么多如此复杂的句子，一方面句子一复杂自己控制不住，你的这篇文章大部分的句子都有问题，另一方面时间也来不及，除非你很熟练，你用了1小时就是一个很好的例子
不过总体来说,你的观点表达相对清楚了，复杂句方面建议先补一下语法方面的知识，看看优秀习作与新闻之类的，否则一味的这么练下去收效甚微
PS：我语法也不怎么样，有些如果说得有误见谅~
[ 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-25 21:58 编辑 ]
