GRE半让步半反驳式文章点评

"Most of the people we consider heroic today were, in fact, veryordinary people who happened to be in the right place at the righttime."I agree with the statement insofar as our heroes tend to beordinary people like us. However,I strongly disagree with the furtherassertion that people become heroes simply by being "in the right placeat the right time." If we look around at the sorts of people we chooseas our heroes, we realize that heroism has far less to do withcircumstance than with how a hero responds to it. I concede that heroes are generally ordinary people. In myobservation we choose as our heroes people with whom we stronglyidentify——people who are very much like us. In fact many of us call aparent, grandparent, or older sibling our hero. Why? My intuition isthat the more a person shares in common with us——my terms ofexperience, heritage, disposition, motives, and even physicalattributes——the more accessible that person's heroic traits are to us,and the stronger their attraction as a role model. And few woulddispute that we share more in common with immediately family than withanyone else.这明显的又是一篇半让步式半反驳式文章。
典型句子结构：
I concede that……In my observation……In fact……Why? My intuition is that……
然后用渐强式句子来强调原题观点的正确：
　The more……the more……, the more……Few would dispute that……
但，在第二段就正式进入反驳并衍生观点了：However, the statement's further suggestionthat……is simply wrongheaded.However, the statement's further suggestionthat people become heroes merely as a result of circumstances not oftheir own choosing is simply wrongheaded. Admittedly, circumstanceoften serves as a catalyst for heroism. After all, without wars therewould be no war heroes. Yet this does not mean that we should lionize（把……视作名人）every member of the armed forces. I find quite telling theoft-used idiom "heroic effort," which suggests that mere coincidencehas little to do with heroism. If one examines the sorts of people weselect as our heroes, it becomes evident that heroism requires greateffort, and that the very nub（=key point） of heroism lies in theresponse, not in the circumstance.
精华：If one examines……it becomes evident that……the very nub of……lies in……not in……
Consider the ordinary person who overcomes a personal obstaclethrough extraordinary effort, fortitude, or faith——thereby inspiringothers toward similar accomplishments. Sports heroes often fall intothis category. For example, Lance Armstrong, a Tour de France cyclingchampion, became a national hero not merely because he won the race butbecause he overcame a life-threatening illness, against allodds（=smooth away all obstacles）, to do so. Of course, widespreadnotoriety（=fame） is not a requisite for heroic status. Countlessindividuals with physical and mental disabilities become heroes intheir community and among their acquaintances by treating theirobstacles as personal challenges——thereby setting inspirationalexamples. Consider the blind law student who inspires others toovercome the same challenge; or the amputee distance runner who servesas a role model for other physically challenged people in hercommunity. To assert that individuals such as these become our heroesmerely by accident, as the statement seems to suggest, is to completelymisunderstand the very stuff of which heroes are made.
精华：……often falls into category
To assert that……, as the statement seems to suggest, is to completely misunderstand the very stuff of which heroes are made.
Another sort of hero is the ordinary person who attains heroicstature by demonstrating extraordinary courage of conviction——againstexternal oppressive forces. Many such heroes are champions of socialcauses（社会事业）, rising to heroic stature by way of the courage of theirconvictions; and, it is because we share those convictions——because werecognize these champions as being very much like us——that they becomeour heroes. Such heroes as India's Mahatma Gandhi, America's MartinLuther King, South Africa's Nelson Mandela, and Poland's Lech Lawesacome immediately to mind. None of these heroes was born into royalty orother privilege; they all came from fairly common, or ordinary, placesand experiences. Or consider again our military heroes, whose courageand patriotism in battle with the statement would serve to completelydiscredit as merely accidental outcomes of certain soldiers being“inthe right place at the right time." I think the preposterousness ofsuch a suggestion is clear enough.
Powerful sentences: It is because……because……that……
I think the preposterousness of such a suggestion is clear enough.
In sum, the statement correctly suggests that heroes are ordinarypeople like us, and that opportunity, or circumstance, is part of whatbreeds heroes. However, the statement overlooks that serendipity alonedoes not a hero make. Heroism requires that "heroic effort," or betteryet a "heroic response," to one's circumstances in life.
最后，作者例行总结了自己的观点，间接向阅卷者传递了一个完美的信息：作者的最终观点是：heroism is also made of another two prerequisites:
　　1. personal efforts against all odds similar or greater to other ordinary peoples
　　2. outstanding responses towards those obstacles
但我认为，作者还可以特别阐释一下heroism，这样就不会让整篇文章头重脚轻了。这篇文章符合5分标准的，但不大可能拿到6分，因为作者在论辩过程还是在内容深刻度方面略微欠缺了。