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考前作文冲刺,大家帮忙拍拍啊!

考前作文冲刺,大家帮忙拍拍啊!

Your friend reveive a lot of money and plans to either travel or buy a car. Give your choice and explanation.

Not only does a vacation benefits a person's body, but also obtain knowledge and experience. Therefore, if I have enough money, I would exploit them to travel.

Taking a break for a gap that has numerous merits to people's health. A gap which is only used to relax but busy in business is beneficial to both person's physical and spiritual health. Contemporary person inviarably sit in front of computer which can harm his health and create various sickness. However, traveling offers people a chance to exercise that is of benefit to both their body and mentle health. Imagine that you go for a stroll beside the coast line, feeling the breeze touch you face, enjoying sound that waves flap the beach. What a pleasant thing! On the other hand, after taking a break, people will be eager to come back to work with a great passion and a good spirit, resulting in doing work efficiently.

Moreover, it is very significant for people's development that going out insteand of staying one place can learn more about the world they live in. People, especially youth, are supposed to be travel to various cities or countries to expand their horizons and gain knowledge which can give a great favor to their life and future. During the process, their views of the world and life will be puried and perfected. When they return, they will surprising that they have a better recognition to their jobs and could think about problems with different angles.  

Vehicle, nevertheless, can make life convenient. If people had a car, they would not worry about that they are squeezed like a fish in rushing hour. On the other hand, as a nowadays, there are too much vehicle to destroy our environment. Human are not supposed to add the load to the environment just for their self-profit. They should do their best to reverse the situation rather than constantly demolishing. If the money are used to buy car, it only accelerate the pace of pollution as well as has no benefit to self-development.

There are lots of merits of tourism that can not only keep a good health of body and spirit, but also learn more knowledge to improve self-ability. Nothing can be compared with having a good health and environment where we live in. Therefore, I want to reaffim my perspective that if I had enough money, I would use it to travel.

[ 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-5-16 12:35 编辑 ]
本帖最近评分记录
  • xiaoma 威望 +5 写得不错,加油,鼓励一下 2008-5-15 14:13

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Not only does a vacation benefits a person's body, but also obtainknowledge and experience. So,(so不能放在句首,如果你想用句首,用therefore; so用句首只有一种情况,就是so前面是逗号的时候) if I have enough money, I would exploitthem to travel.
It is takes a break for a gap that has numerous merits to people’shealth. A gap which is only used to relax but busy in business isbeneficial to both person’s physical and spiritual health. Contemporaryperson inviarably sit in front of computer which can harm his healthand create various sickness. However, traveling offers people a chanceto exercise that is of benefit to both their body and mentle health.Imagine that you go for a stroll beside the coast line, feeling thebreeze touch you face, enjoying sound that waves flap the beach. What apleasant thing! On the other hand, after taking a break, people will beeager to come back to work with a great passion and a good spirit,resulting in doing work efficiently.

为了结构更加清楚,你可以用如下结构
if i have enough money, i would exploit them to travel since the following reasons:

first,......

second......

moreover......

finally, ......

in colclosion, ......

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翻译中文意思的痕迹还多少有些明显,有时间看看plain english

http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-12872-1-1.html

不过你写的已经很不错了,继续努力

争取每天上午写出来,下午修改、总结、回顾

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还有,有些句子你写得太长了,比如Moreover, it is very significant for people’s development that going out insteand of staying one place can learn more about the world where they live in.

这样的长句不好把握,建议你用一组短句来代替

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谢谢版主,回去好好看看你给链接,再好好改改!非常感谢! 继续努力!

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