自己只改出一处？
看了你的文章后我想指出你作文中最重要的问题
第一段：
Price is the only promotion of changing consuming habits, as some scholars say. 第一句话就让我读不懂 price 做主语是否太抽象了，改为Increasing the price of gasoline and electricity.....
Others, as a contrast, deem the fact that consumers alternating their interests is by multiple factors. 这句话的宾语从句中主语谓语各是什么？我没有读懂。

第二段：
By the economic development, foremost, people are inclined to choose the things that they like or they got used to rather than something cheap by the reason that money is no longer the essential problem for the most of the time, while in the past, people mostly and constantly had to buy the cheapest ones because they could not afford the more expensive ones. 这么长的句子是不是应该分两句While in the past....
还有这段的thesis sentense呢？段落中心句？

第二段：
Followed by the last sentence I said,这样一句话是不适合写作作文中太口语话了 。。。。。。。people will not change their habits if the new one is not good enough for them.
大问题是这段不能阐明你的论点 新能源不安全怎么说明传统能源就不该涨价呢？

第三段应当是你全文的重点 讲到了为什么光提价是不行的 应该从教育入手，这也是应对能源危机的好方法，所以这段你就该重点写，花大笔墨写。
In addition, the fundamental impulse for people to save energy is education because changing concept is much more effective than just changing the actions. People would conserve the energy consciously once they realize that saving energy is critical for both themselves and the earth. Consequently, making people to believe that such saving is crucial is one significant work that government should do.

知道你文章出现的主要问题是什么了吗？----谋篇布局和语言。
尤其是语言，不要刻意追求长句，说清楚了明白了是最好的，长句不好驾驭，如果再出现语法错误，往往让读者看半天不知道要表达什么意思，你这篇开头就让我有这种感觉。所以平时多读一些文章，范文，扎实语言功。

非常感谢版主的修改,也许是练习的过于频繁,而没有注意每次的质量,导致作文有些走入误区,长句方面其实并非是我刻意的去写,只是练习的多了很自然就写出来很长的句子,虽然有时候语法不对
后面我会着重在版主指出的地方加强锻炼
再次感谢
看来2次作文都不理想确实是有很大问题的

[ 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-5-26 11:27 编辑 ]

“conserve energy”是节能的意思吗？

yoyo 平时写作练习时多花点时间构思，写完之后再多思考是好事！
到考场上抓紧时间，不要多想，因为平时你就在储备素材和经验。
这就是所谓的“信手拈来”的境界，好好练习吧！

第一段：
Nowadays, gasoline becomes so crucial to social development which maintains operation of lots of equipments and transportation. Simultaneously, its volume is decreasing with an incredible speed. What can I do to conserve the energy? Some one thinks that increase price is the only way to conserve the energy. However, from my point of view, rising price is not the only and not a constant way to preserve the energy.
第一句建议改为：.....gasoline, which is very crucial to social development, maintains operation.....调换一下定语从句句型。
后面what should we do 比what can I do好。simultaneously 应该为however,这里前后两句话应当是转折语气

First of all, government is supposed to invest fund(这里改为raise funds) to invent new resource instead of gas. Before a long, many countries was begin(谓语出现问题） to being aware of the sever problem and took actions. Now, there are some new resources replacing gas that work in some areas. Solar energy, for instance, is used in some regions that have sufficient sunlight. It is exploited to make vehicle work, or heat temperature. Another way is that government could induce and encourage the market to factory and sell those energy-saving machines to decrease the use of gas. For example, government could legislate for supporting and rewarding those factories that manufactory energy-saving machine.第二点不支持本段分论点government should raise funds to invent and exploy new resources吗？ 要不就分成两段写

In addition, government should further perfect utilized (改为utilize)transportation to change people’s bad impression of the utility （这是名词加个of)transportation. No one will deny that vehicle is a major contributes to render the decline of the gas’s capacity. （这句话有语法错误）And partly reason caused the number of vehicles soaring is that people can not endure the bad atmosphere and crowded people of the utility transportation. If government could improve conditions of the transportation, people who go out by driving cars will diminish.

谢谢版主～（才发现已经是版主了啊～恭喜恭喜 ）
主要是还半个多月就考了，所以比较着急，担心考试的时候写不完～