原作如下：

What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

你会改变你家乡的什么以吸引和你同龄的人？

My hometown is a beautiful but small city, and own a history of thousand years special culture. Nowdays it is undergoing extensive and profound changes, and with the siganicicant devepolment of economic and the introduction of mechanization and various technology to the production of produce, the burdens of the sturggle for survival
were lessened.Rural incomes increased considerably, and most families had more property than before. Difinitely, that is a great progess. Moreover,more importance must therefore be attached to social development on the basis of economic growth to ensure and improve people's daily life.
While recognizing our achievements, we must be well aware that they still fall short of culture development, going with the experiences of changes, some of the specical culture characters are losing. In my view, This dangerous must be highlight in such a crucial stage of our town 's reform and development

cultural heritage

meanwhile, if the characteristics could be protceted and develop, my hometown would be more attritive for the outside and the peer.
I would like to state my wills from many ascepts as the follows.

To begin with, the environment of my hometown is very beautiful, with consistious maitain and hills in the north of the hometown, and rivers from the maitains come into a big lack. One of my fridend who come from another city was totally captivated by the sence of my hometown and said it just like a heavan in world. Therefore , I want to collect a number of financing to protect the eco-envrionment,and call for the local authority to establish relevant law to enchance the development of a environment-friendly society

…. Culture developments is
closely related to the people's well-being

Secondly, According to a magnificent tomb which digged towenty years ago, one of a famous sociologist pointed that my hometown is one of the important town in history, its culture is strongly desever carefully preserved.It shows partly the anciente society in the history. Thus, it is necessary to set up a culture museum to show the long history of my hometown. Undoubtely,this ia a great part of Public services. Consequently there would be great advantages to get if these desirability can be fulfilled. For the one hand, the activities can rise the people’s awareness of cherrish the culture of our town and arouse the initiative of all sides. and enourage them to work together to promote cultural progress

In light of the basic reality that mentioned above, /judging from the ecidence above, we can safely draw the concolusion that Culture developments isclosely related to the people's well-being, we must take into overall consideration the relationships between the man and nature, economic and culture development,
and do our best to ensure that all our citizens enjoy their rights to get various sorts of education and pastime. So as to promot social cultrue harmony and strive for victories in building a moderately prosperous scoiety in all respects and kept up with the times.

然后，然后，然后，教授修改后的大作是：

My hometown is a beautiful medium city in China: Xintai, in Shandong Province.
The city has a history of more than one thousand years, with a special culture. Nowadays it is undergoing extensive and profound changes as part of the transformations occurring in China. Xintai has experienced a significant development of the economic production, with the introduction of mechanization and technology in the production of agricultural goods. At the same time the burdens of the struggle for survival of workers —and their families— have been reduced. Rural incomes have increased considerably, and most families have now more property than before and they live much better. This is a great progress because citizens can notice it in their own lives. Nevertheless, economic growth must be accompanied by social development to ensure and improve people's daily life. While recognizing our achievements, we must be well aware that they still fall short of cultural development. With the new social changes some of the special traditional cultural characteristics are lost or abandoned. In my view, in the present crucial stage of our city 's reform and development the cultural heritage should be protected.

Firstly, the environment of my hometown is beautiful, with mountains and hills in the north of the city. Rivers from the mountains come into a big lake. The scenery of my hometown captivated one of my friends, from another city; so he said that it is like a heaven in this world. One of my ideas is to organize some money collection in order to finance the protection of this eco-environment. Local authorities should also establish relevant laws in order to enhance the development of an environmental-friendly society.
Secondly, twenty years ago a very interesting ancient tomb was discovered in my hometown. A sociologist pointed out that my hometown is one of the important cities in the history of China, and that its culture deserves to be preserved. The remains are important to explain the ancient society in the history of China. Thus, it will be wonderful to establish an anthropological museum to show the long history of my hometown. Undoubtedly, this could also be a great achievement for the public sector. The set up of exhibitions —and future activities— of that museum can raise the people’s awareness about the history of this region, as well as to improve the knowledge for the culture of the region.
We need to be aware that progress is not only economic growth but also the promotion of cultural progress. Cultural development is
closely related to the wellbeing and the quality of life of the population. A typical Chinese idea is to get good relationships between Man and Nature. Nowadays we should also add a balanced equilibrium between economic and culture development. We should also do our best to ensure that all citizens enjoy their rights to get a solid education and a diversified use of their leisure time. The goal is to promote social and cultural harmony, and to strive for the building of a prosperous society in all aspects. Now we can do it.

再然后，教授提出了一下的建议：

Please pay attention to these comments: 1. Alwayys use the speller in
your computer after writing an essay. 2. Writee in paragraphs, if possible longer than 10 lines. 3. Writee shorter phrases. The possibillityh of making mistakes are lower. Sure. 4. Make sure to leave a blanck space after a comma (,) or full poinbt (.) 5. Do not use exageretions (very, extremely, beautiful...). Be positive but donot exagerate. Speciallyy when talking about China, your hometown, your family. Be positive but do not praise too much. 6. Check words that are pronounced similar but have different meanings. 7. Donot repeat ideas. Once you said something is enough! 8. Print this corrected essay, and see carefully the differences.

很好的分享 大家要仔细读 希望LZ重新排版一下字体的大小记颜色, 方便其它会员阅读

文章是不错。但是是不是思路有点乱？？不适合TOEFL考试阿？

要顶上来,不能让它沉了

看来T不能继承G的写作手法
顶下～～～～～～～～～