作文我近期将在统一时间批改
别问，你就写吧！

水平有限，大家尽管拍吧

Nowadays, mobile phones have become moreand more common in our daily lives. It not only brings us great convenience to communicatewith others, but also lead to some problem as well. For example, many peoplehave the habit of dial or receive mobile phones in public transportations;however, few notice this can be harmful or dangerous to other people. I do notagree with using mobile phones in public transportations.


We have to agree that no matter wherepeople are and what they are doing, as long as they take mobile phones on themselves,they can be connected by others by phones. So sometimes it is unwilling forpeople to use mobile phones in public transportations. Also, there is no lawpreventing using mobile phone in public transportations, and the mobile phones are convenient indeed, so people who are busy ofbusiness or worried about children at home may use mobile phones in publictransportations without much thought.


However, only think ofbenefits or conveniences, omitting the harm will lead to serious results.Although mobile phones can give us some good things obviously, they can make usdangerous secretly. For example, using mobile phones on the plane may affectthe electronic navigation systems; even make the plane out of control.Compared with the safety of all people in a plane, losing a call is too small.


Besides, there are manypeople take public transportations, including someone who needs to be takenspecial care of, such as pregnant women and fetus. However, the waves sent bymobile phones are potentially greatly harmful of these people. It has been saidthat, using mobile phones can lead to abortion in pregnant women and fetalmalformation. When considering these dangerous matters,people should close their mobile phones in public transportationsconscientiously.


In conclusion, we can not disagree thatmobile phones are very convenient and bring many benefits to our lives, but insome special situation, especially in public transportations, people should notuse them, considering the health and safety of people around.

写的不好，大家找死里拍

Should people use mobile phones in public transportations (say bus, train or airplane)?

30min   337 words

Nowadays mobile phone has become an indispensable tool for people to communicate and the frequency of applying it is in an ever-rising rate than a decade before. However, when it comes to the issue that whether to permit the use in public transportation or not, distinctive people have completely different opinions. From my point of view, I perceive that mobile phone should be banned in public transportation.  
The application of mobile phone in public transportation, such as train, bus, and airplane, may interrupt the quiet atmosphere in these places and affect people's originally perfect mood. Let me take myself as an example. Yesterday I went to office by bus. Before I got on the bus, I bear a wonderful mood with a big smile on my face, expecting my busy but pleasant assignment. Unfortunately, the bus is so crowd and even worse the man beside me made a phone call in a loud voice. I smelt the bad taste in his mouth which I could not stand. Of course, my excellent mood was broke up by his mobile phone call.  
What is more, the radiation of the mobile phone is another factor influencing the regular function of certain communal transportation, like airplane. There are a number of tragedies due to the unclosed phone on plane. One that I could remember is the latest incidence happened in Wuhan in China. A passenger forgot to close his mobile phone and when someone called him, he picked it up. As a consequence, the plane could not function normally and had to take off at the moment to check out the problem. It is without doubt that affect the passengers' schedule as well as the business of the airline.
Based on the judgments above, we safely draw the conclusion that mobile phone should be banned in public transportation, not only because it is able to interrupt the quiet atmosphere and most passengers' originally perfect mood, but may result in the unbelievable accidents because of the radiation of the mobile phone.  

改 402 words
Nowadays mobile phone has become an indispensable tool for people to communicate and the frequency of applying it increases in an ever-rising rate than a decade before. However, when it comes to the issue that whether to permit its use in public transportation or not, diverse people will have completely different opinions. From my point of view, I perceive that mobile phone should be banned in public transportation.  
The application of mobile phone in public transportation, such as train, bus, and airplane, may interfere the peaceful atmosphere in these places and affect people's originally perfect mood. Just take myself as an example. Yesterday I went to my office by bus. Before I got on the bus, I cherished a wonderful mood with a big smile on my face, expecting my busy but pleasant assignment. Unfortunately, the bus was so crowd and even worse the man beside me made a phone call in a loud voice and therefore the harmonious environment was disturbed by his noisy voice. In addition, I could smell the offensive smell in his mouth which I was incapable to stand. Of course, my excellent mood was broke up by that annoying phone call.  
What is more, the radiation of the mobile phone is another factor influencing the regular function of certain communication media, like airplane. There are a number of tragedies due to the unclosed phone on plane. One that I could remember is the latest accident happened in Wuhan in China. A passenger forgot to close his mobile phone and when someone called him, he picked it up. As a consequence, the plane could not function as normal and had to take off at the moment to check out the problem. It is without doubt that affects the passengers' schedule as well as the economic interest of the airline.
Although probably someone endorsed the idea that everyone has the personal right to make his/her phone call in public transportation, especially when something emergency happens, compared to the overall interests of the whole passengers, it is better to concede that the benefits of the majority should come first.

Based on the judgments above, we safely draw the conclusion that mobile phone should be inhibited in public transportation, not only because it is able to interfere with the harmonious atmosphere and passengers' originally perfect mood, but may result in the unbelievable accidents because of the radiation of the mobile phone.

先自己改了改，不过只改了改简单的词汇，大家多多提意见哈

Should people use mobile phones in public transportations (say bus. train or airplane)?
Is it appropriate to use mobile phones in public transportations?  When it comes to this question, people’s opinions differ. Many people insist that using of mobile phones in public transportations violates their privacy. However, with every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that it is not a wise choice to forbid the using of mobile phones in public environment, and I will describe the reasons in the following passages.

Firstly, it might be unavoidable to use mobile phones even in public transportations under many scenarios. In modern life, mobile phone is one of the most useful tools for people from all walks of life to connect with each other. People may have to use mobile phones to tackle crisis, obtain information or deal with some other significant things. If the using of mobiles phones is forbidden, it may result in great loss since chances lost may never return. For instance, if your boss wants you to handle something of great importance, however he cannot keep in touch with you simply because you are forbid to use cell phone in a bus and then he have to ask your competitor(for whatever) to deal with it. What will happen next? I consider it is probably that you will lose the competition. What is more, some emergency may happen in public transportations, say, a passenger suffers heart disease suddenly. It is possible that dangerous consequence will occur to this person. Therefore it is unreasonable to forbid using mobile phone in public transportations for every aspect.

Secondly, dissenters claim that they cannot bear the noise caused by the using of mobile phones. For one thing, in my personal angle alone, since it is in public transportations, everyone have to bear something that bring him or her inconvenience to some extent. For another, I am thinking about whether there is a good way to solve this problem and then we can use mobile phone freely in public transportations without affecting others. The answer is yes. It is easy to imagine that many years ago we considered a similar question that whether we should forbid smoking in public. And the way we solve that question can be taken to solve today’s problem, that is to make a separate room for people to use their mobile phones in public transportations.

In conclusion, it is not wise to ban the using of mobile phone in public transportation for the reason that the mobile phones are so considerable that we can not leave them even a minute. And we have a way to solve the problem that the using of mobile phones will affect other people. Consequently, there is no necessity to forbid the using of mobile phones in public transportations.

很久没来了,之前徘徊在G和T之间,现在终于正式回来和大家继续奋战托福
看下楼上朋友的作文
叙述的比较流畅,看起来很舒服
鉴于是第一次写,语言表达上的本土化及多样性自然有很多不足,这些随着练习的增多自然会大大改善
只是论述方面不够深入,尤其是第二点,说的点不少,不过都是浅尝辄止,这一点从以往来看在托福中是要尽量避免的,把你要说的核心部分深入下去,这样论述才有力量

以上是我对托福作文的理解,不过我2次都考得很不好~有误之处见谅了

谢谢指教

觉得自己写得很平淡，希望帮忙润色一下。=）多谢了！
With the development of technology, people can keep contact with others by using mobile phones wherever they are, such as on bus, train or even airplane. Recently, there is a debate that whether people can use mobile phones in public transportations or not. Even though, it is very convenient for the person who uses the phone, it has many potential disadvantages. As far as I am concerned, I do not think using mobile phone in public transportation is a good choice. The reasons are as following.

First of all, it will distract drivers, especially on a bus or a taxi. As we all know, it is essential to keep quiet on a bus, in order to create a good circumstance for the driver, so he/she can concentrate on driving. If every one on a bus is talking through a moblie phone, it must be very annoying. As a result, the chance of traffic accident increases.

What’s more, the noice produced by the speaker will disturb other passengers. Most people should have the similar experience that when they have to spend hours on a vehicle, they want to take a nap so they can relax and feel more energetic. However, if people choose to use mobile phones, others who want to rest will be bothered. We cannot just think about the convenience of ourselves, we should take others’ need into consideration.

At last but not the least, for our own sake of safety, we had better not use mobile phone on public transportation. For instance, one of my friends made a call with his mobile phone when he just went on a bus. The minute the bus started up, he fell down since he put all his attention to the conversation and did not a spare hand to grasp handrail.

From what has been discussed above, I believe the majority of people will agree with me and we can get the conclusion that we had better not use mobile phones in a public transportation.