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请具有史诗般英语水平的禺老师接各位马友给修改一下

请具有史诗般英语水平的禺老师接各位马友给修改一下

Confucius,the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient china, commented,”Luck is the factor in success.”But,nowadays, some people think that success is because of hard work, and luck is not important for someone who succeed, The way I see it, Luck is a chiefly constituent of people succeed.
  In my high school English class, I was taught a real story, a story about an African man called Cinque who slew a most terrifying beast that any one has ever seen, a lion.His siblings in the village who knew about this anecdote gave him great respect and call him the big man.
  Howeven he told the truth later.
“It had killed several people, even hunters amony is,Everyone includly me was afraid”.
“I was lying down with my family, when out of nowhere it appeared.”
“As it came for me, I picked up a big rock and I threw it .And that wasn’t bravery, because any man would do the same to protect his family.
“But by some miracle,yousee, I hit it , I don’t know how that killed it , but it did. A rock ,you see, a rock.
“I received the gratitude of everyone in the village, I was given respect, They treated we as if I was a prince. They give me the finest country choth. All those things they give me , I took them all , But I knew I didn’t deserve it ,for when I threw that rock at that beast, if I missed it, I wouldn’t be sitting here today trying to explain these things to you or somebody else, I’d just be dead, I’m not a big man,just a lucky one!”
But why do people think we need not luck to success? Mathematicians describe it appears that something has an extremely small probability but it does happen, so luck does exist,People often say,one has to have an opportunity so succeed, In this case, Luck is the oppotunity, and to some extent is an indispensable factor to achieve success.
To summarize,when people say luck has nothing to do with success, I wonder it is not to deny existence of luck,but to encourage, Luck is some where, but nobody knows where, It happened sometime,But nobody knows when,By contrast, Hard work is something that every one can count on, and asis often the case, hard work bring luck maybe, Therefore, luck itself is of no hope, and lack of luck should not be an excuse to failure.

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我和楼主的写法很不一样,我一般是数据+因果+让步
不知道ETS会不会喜欢你这种写法
因为例子是一个类似于寓言的小故事
实质的分析少了点

拙见,拙见

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  在文章中間可以這樣插對話的嗎???
When are we gonna stand up as ppl
Realize that as ppl we are all equal

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回复 #3 Marconie 的帖子

是从上课时来的灵感,史禺老师讲的大部分都是直接叙述的,但是他与同学们在交流时区往往留下更深刻的印象,所以我想highlight除了大牛词外,是否可以在叙述方式上玩一点新的东西??

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这篇作文的题目是

POOL_upload version中的第12题
When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

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TOEFL规定的字数不多,如果举例子就显得在凑字数,而且说服力不大。

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引用:
原帖由 小凯wong 于 2007-9-5 18:28 发表
TOEFL规定的字数不多,如果举例子就显得在凑字数,而且说服力不大。
不敢苟同
例子是作文specific的关键
当然例子要恰当
偌大的一个论坛,北工大的校友咋那么少涅= =
在我20岁的时候, make a big difference!
几个连接(请点击):
如何复习新托福
资源下载汇总贴
加试问题及机经
08年考试时间统计专帖

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回复 #7 whereiswc 的帖子

请问whereiswc老师,我的例子恰当吗,如果不,请说一下在ibt中好例子的标准
各位马友有什么高见欢迎讨论


没看你的文章,我只是对那个观点发表评论

[ 本帖最后由 whereiswc 于 2007-9-6 15:53 编辑 ]

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哈...满有个性的文章

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