回复 #1 sabrina 的帖子
首先,老实说来,我觉得这篇文章已经跑题了。
题目是GO TO MUSEUM,内容却成了WHY WE CHOOSE TO ATTEND COLLEGE。
比如:
why people go to museum(WHY WE CHOOSE TO ATTEND COLLEGE)
NOWADAY(背景),people attend college or university (for many reasons,)多余!no matter how many reasons,(no doubtly that)they can get benefit form university study ,(it can increse them konwledge ,they can hunt a good job if get the degree also can make dearm come ture.)首先,前面说人们进大学不管多少原因,后面又摆出两点原因相当奇怪;前面说不为任何收益,后面又说为了学习知识,找工作。难道工作和学习就不是从中的收益么??
更改,Nowaday,the motive of people choose to go to college often variety.No matter whether they can get benifit or not at last,it almosti due to several resons. (然后接下来的内容里面再把论点层层递进,娓娓道来。)
中间看过实在太难改了,我给作者最大的建议是在写作文之前先理清思绪,用中文写好模板。现在并不是要强调多华丽的语言,而是要把道理说清楚,逻辑关系体现出来。
仅是个人拙见。
[ 本帖最后由 bobann 于 2007-10-18 21:20 编辑 ]