construction problem
Recently the disscussion of establishing a new university has been posed among the residents of our community. The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think thah our community would be a good place to locate the university. However, others don't think that's a good idea to build a new university in our community. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former, because to build a new university in our community has far more advantages than not to.

The supporter believe that if a new university is built in out community, our daily life will become more convinent. There is good evidence to show that. If a new university is built in our community, a lot of facilities will be built around it after a short time, such as supermarket, cinema, refectory and so on. If we want to go shopping, we will not go a long way. Maybe Wal-mart or Carreful is just next to the university. Or if we have no mood to cook supper after a hard-working day, we can go to refectory in campus instead of looking for a restaurant all over the city.

There is another good reason for agreeing that if a new university is built in our community, the residents of our community will have more changces to get jobs and earn the money. For example, we can be the administrators of the dormitories or the workers of the refectory. And even we can operate small restaurants or hotels for the students who are not satisfied with the refectories or dormitories of the university. It makes us earn the money earier.

But each coin has two sides. A lot of students living in my community will make some troubles to us. Traffic jam will happen frequently and we will be more dangerous when we are walking in the street.  For example, my uncle Li who lives in the community which has built a university lived in a hospital,  because he was hit by a collage student who rode a bike on his way to the class.

In conclusion, I think although building a new university in our community may do some trouble to our life to some degree, we can't deny the magnificant advantages it takes to us. So I think it's better to build a new university in our community. If we change our rode condition in the future, the bad  situation that I mentioned should not happen.

[ 本帖最后由 lion007 于 2007-10-20 16:43 编辑 ]

http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-3521-1-1.html

第一段每句都最少1个university,尝试用school 和代词替换吧

还有,我感觉吧~前2个理由不够spicific

结构条理还是不错的 嘿嘿

一看就是教主的学生，（2-1）正面支持+缺陷。总的来说我们都很好的贯彻了教主的思想
1The supporter believe that if a new university is built in out community
注意用虚拟语气
2你的IF语句用的好多啊，换下别的句子方式。eg:你第三段第一句There is another good reason for agreeing that if a new university is built in our community。我要写就写成这样another good reason of building a new universityi in our community also can be mentioned, which is ~~~~~
3拼写错误

和楼上有一样的同感，肯定是教主的学生，格式都是定好的，只觉得你的这个模板不够强大。我的建议是把开头写的非常精彩，在第一印象中吸引住考官，每一段的第一句话要写的精彩。
引用教主的话：他们每天看大量的文章，郁闷阿！你的出现，一切从此改变，你写的好，他们爽，给你高分，你爽

我是来学习的，感觉比我写的好多了！
提几个小问题，（我自己也不知道是不是问题，不是的话就原谅我吧）
earn the money? 是不是多了个the
But each coin has two sides.新东方老师不是说这句话太老了，ETS看着就烦了……
my uncle Li who lives in the community which has built a university lived in a hospital, 总觉得这个看起来有点怪！

我的水平也不高，希望LZ不要生气，老师说要先学会改作文……我在学习中！

谢谢大家的指点！我一定争取改正！

我觉得第一段应该写的再漂亮一点,和5楼同学的建议一样,要在开头就把考官吸引住。可以用教主推荐的一些华丽的句子。是不是可以提一下反方的理由呢。这样字数可以多一点。
第二段的句型有点单调，都是IF句型，建议不要用这么一样的。句型多变化一点。
每一段都用到了举例，挺好~~教主就这么说的。呵呵。
结尾段最后一句是解决坏处的吧。觉得写得有点简单。

我的水平也不高，希望对楼主有所帮助。大家一起进步~~
我也是教主的学生哦~~