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第四篇,坚持!

第四篇,坚持!

TOPIC: Play games teaches us about life.

Games can be traced back to prehistoric times when people mainly engaged in some sports, such as boxing or wrestling. Thousands years later, today, the increasing varieties of game make more and more people become a 'Game Fan'. Someone would ask, is it necessary to play game in the busy life? As far as I am concerned, Playing games benefits us in many aspects, especially in psychological.

Firstly, playing games reduces the academic and social stress of kids and adults alike. It help people to take their minds off things that bother them and make them relax and concentrate better after the sports. It has been proved by scientific research that appropriate exercises can have positive mental effects on people. To myself, I always feel calm, relaxed and energetic every time after I finished my jogging.

Furthermore, nearly every games demands cooperation between team members. Especially when they play a competitive sport, such as soccer or basketball, they must try to cooperate with his team members to win a game. Michael Jordan, who is considered to be the greatest player in the basketball history , commented after he won the NBA championship titles, "Talent wins games, but teamwork wins championships." So, a person must work with others as a team when he wants to achieve something, no mater in games or in life.

Most important, we could learn how to respect for the rules during the games. As we all know, teenagers always tend to be rebellious and self-centered. But when they play games, they learn how the rules work. They see how groups need rules to keep order, and that the individual must accept the rules for the good of the group. This is the fundamental skill when you are in society. Could you live a comfortable life without obeying the rules?

All in all, playing games can relieve our daily stress, teach us the importance of teamwork, and help us know how to abide the rules of society.  Game is really an excellent teacher of life.

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水平有限,仔细看了一下楼主的文章,论述的挺流畅,层次感也很强,只是一些表达不太地道,比如第二段的take there mind off,个人感觉用get rid of ...temporarily更好,不知道对不对
看的出楼主比前2篇有进步,表达更清晰
我刚刚开始练,还处在尽力把结构把握好的阶段,还要像楼主学习啊

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个人观点     
1 连词用的太少  感觉逻辑不够清晰

2 还有正文段篇幅似乎有点短啊,至少要比开头长一些吧

3 可加入一两句倒装

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