Do you agree or disagree, teachers should be paid according to their students' performance?

When it comes to the controversy about whether the students performance should decide the teachers’ wages, the majority of people claim that the performance of the students on certain fields is the benchmark of deciding the teachers’ salary, but other people conceive the intrinsic talent is the element which influent students’ performance most, so if a teacher do what he/she should do to cultivate the students, he/she should gain corresponding wages.
   As people always take GPA and extracurricular activities to judge students,  majority of people believe that since a good teacher’s most important obligation is to ensure his/her students pre-eminent in study, the students’ performance decide the amounts a teacher deserve. For instance, teachers whose class make a high score on average , the school authorities will give them praise both in repute and material, like promotion and bonus. Contrarily, when the students’ mark is too low, not only the students’ parents will blame the teacher, but also the schoolmaster, unfortunately, they would be dismissed. Hence, front to this tempt and pressure, teachers will devote more into their profession to pursue higher salaries and more fame which ultimately benefit the students.
   However, would there no exceptions? Take my neighbor WangDong for example, he’s really a problem adolescence, his class adviser often do home visiting because of his too much absence, fight and exam mark which is poor than flunk. And his parents had employed several tutor for him. After all above method they do to help him make progress, it’s doesn’t work. Should WangDong’s class adviser and tutor be paid for? The answer is unsuspicious positive. They have try their best, though it is wokeless, they deserve the basic wages, for their devotion.
   Taking into account all the factors have been discussed above, I firmly believe that students’ performance is not the only benchmark to decide how much a teacher should be paid , it’s depend on many factors, just as the teacher’s expertise, how much he/she has devoted, and the students’ intrinsic talent and personality must be concern as well.

http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-3521-1-1.html

嗯~1028机井作文 我也刚刚写了一篇，觉得也是有难度的。
下面我借鉴下你的
首先我帮你分段 每段中间要空行的哦
When it comes to the controversy about whether the students performance should decide the teachers’ wages, the majority of people claim that the performance of the students on certain fields is the benchmark（这个词我原来没有用过 我收了啊）of deciding the teachers’ salary（salaries）, but other people conceive the intrinsic talent is the element which influent（influnences） students’ performance most, so if a teacher do what he/she should do to cultivate the students, he/she should gain corresponding wages.（加句话，你支持哪个观点）
   
As people always take GPA and extracurricular activities to judge students, the majority of people believe that since a good teacher’s most important obligation is to ensure his/her students pre-eminent in study, the students’ performance decide the amounts a teacher deserve. For instance,the teachers whose class make a high score on average , the school authorities will give them praise both in repute（reputations）and materials, like promotion and bonus. Contrarily, when the students’ mark is too low, not only the students’ parents will blame the teacher, but also the schoolmaster, and unfortunately, they would be dismissed. Hence, front to this tempt（temptation） and pressure, teachers will devote more into their profession to pursue higher salaries and more fame which ultimately benefit the students.（这段写的有点多了，在加上你第一段没有表明你的观点，我看了这段以为你在支持teachers should be paid， 到了最后一段才看出你是反对的）
   
However, would there no exceptions? Take my neighbor WangDong for example, he’s really a problem adolescence(有问题的青春期？）, his class adviser often do home visiting because of his too much absence, fighting and exam mark which is poor than flunk（已经不及格了，就不要用poor than flunk 了吧）. And his parents had employed several tutor for him. After all above method they do（did） to help him make progress, it’s doesn’t （did not） work. Should WangDong’s class adviser and tutor be paid for? The answer is unsuspicious positive. They have try their best, though it is wokeless, they deserve the basic wages, for their devotion.
   
Taking into account all the factors have been discussed above, I firmly believe that students’ performance is not the only benchmark to decide how much a teacher should be paid , it’s depend on many factors, just as the teacher’s expertise,（这句可以作为上文的一个论据） how much he/she has devoted, and the students’ intrinsic talent and personality must be concern as well.

建议：
第一段亮明观点
第二段写你支持或反对的第一个原因
第三段写另一个原因
第四段写反面的，注意要略写反面的例子，比如说teachers are paid by students‘ performance的好处，一定要写好处远远比不上坏处！！！！（有时间的话，我一般写完前三段时间就差不多了了，没办法打字慢啊 ）
第五段写结论。
你文章用词挺高级的，象FLUNK我是查了字典才知道的