Have telephone and e-mail made communication between people less personal?
Nowadays, many people claim that telephones and e-mails make communication less personal. However, I don’t agree with this statement. My reasons are as follows.
First, telephones and e-mails make people show their feelings more frankly. When people communicate face-to face, they may be frustrated to say some words. For instance, showing love, dissatisfaction or sometimes suggestion can be embarrassing, therefore, many people choose the way of making calls or sending e-mails. No matter in which way they finally decide, they can face their feelings directly, and the sentences they speak out or write, with a deep consideration, may be more proper. Through this process, people can be connected more tightly, they will have more to communicate without fearing to hurt others unconsciously. And after spending a period of time on sending e-mails, they can hence have a more pleasant date. All these seem to tell us instead of being less personal, telephones and e-mails make a prerequisite of being intimate.
Secondly, telephones and e-mails provide an easier and faster way for people to communicate. Since in an increasingly competitive society, people always get exhausted after work, they don’t feel like attending a party or going out to a bar with their friends. The only comfortable but effective manner to chat with others is making calls, telling their friends what was going on in the past days. Sending e-mails would also be a wise choice if they wanted to discuss something further. Because of these two approaches, people can keep on touch with their friends, so that the connections between them will never be broken up. In other words, our lives will be isolated without telephone and e-mails, by which means there’s no “personal” staff to say.
From the reasons I list above, we can get a clear conclusion that the distance between our friends and us is virtually reduced by telephones and e-mails. And in a sense, they make our lives more colorful as well as more personal.
这篇作文是我最近写的最失败的一篇作文了，88题，总觉得有点跑，不知道我理解的题目对不对，望指教！

题目是
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone and e-mail have made comunication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinon.

除了无数词法和语法错误外，总体看还凑合。理由是论据能够勉强支持论点，比不少文章都强。
对于大部分语法错误，你仔细重读一遍即可知问题所在。有些问题我已经说过N遍，多说无益。但不妨提示你，以及其他所有人，在写下每一个句子时，尤应注意三点：
1，        时态
2，        数（单三）
3，        单一谓语动词
英语在曲折度上已经严重退化（性基本没有，格只见于代词），就剩下时和数两个概念还记不住？如不熟，则写下每一句话后review一下，看是否合语法！至于频繁出现的一句多谓现象，完全是受母语干扰。
另外见到一个以前没见过的错误，你提到
…, by which means there…
这句话by算是干什么的？如果在关系代词前加介词，则先行词必然不做主语。而在此从句中关系代词分明是充当主语成分。
对于用词不当，除非加大阅读量否则实无有效对策。举例而言，我现在告诉你，在这句话中，
…with a deep consideration, may be more proper.
显然“proper”是不那么proper的。因为这个词虽是形容词，却罕用作表语。应该用“appropriate”。
但这类问题根本无法普遍推广，因为它只跟你的阅读量，也就是实力，有关。所谓修行在个人。
最后还有语义错误（包括与上下文关联和不关联的），也就是语法合理，搭配不当。试看：
face their feelings
“面对他们的情感”
典型不知所云。如果那Marker以为中文就是这么说，并且怀着鼓励与容忍的态度判分，则尚可逃此一劫；如其不然，立死。
应是
express their feelings
“表达他们的情感”
不过你也不必气馁，因为我所提的要求，大概都是面向完成一篇其母语人士所应达到之水平的文章而提出的。TOEFL判分尺度可能略低于此，更何况有几处小错误无关全局。故如你能在考场完成此文，with a better performance on your grammar, 应能取得高分。

谢谢帮忙修改，我现在明白了自己的弱点所在。
我会在语法和词汇上加强的，thanks very much!!